


Teach Me How To Feel (Real)

by whosthatpokaimon



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game), Gotham (TV)
Genre: Altered Mental States, Android Edward Nygma, Androids, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Blow Jobs, Canon-Typical Violence, Cooking, Crossover, Emotional Roller Coaster, Gay Panic, M/M, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Plot Twists, Slight Gobblepot, Slow Burn, Suicide, a lot happens here, actually i completely forgot about the dog oops, like really slight - Freeform, oswald is a disaster, the dog gets to live
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:13:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 22,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24692098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whosthatpokaimon/pseuds/whosthatpokaimon
Summary: After Oswald's mother expresses great concern for her son, she encourages him to purchase an Android to make sure he is getting the proper care he needs and deserved when she is no longer able to provide it. Oswald thought it was a stupid idea, he was a grown man and could take care of himself.Yet, here he was, standing in front of the packaging of an RD400 and listening to the saleswoman give a synopsis on its functions.
Relationships: Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma
Comments: 55
Kudos: 180





	1. The Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> this first chapter is just to introduce you to the world of gotham - with androids! I've been thinking about this for quite some time now, Detroit and gotham are both fandoms that will always hold a soft fuzzy spot in my heart and i thought: why not? let's make a crossover! being a part of the Detroit fandom or having watched or played it yourself is not exactly necessary, but it will help you understand!
> 
> there will be plenty more chapters to come and they won't all be this short, but i hope you enjoy it!

**_October 15th, 2014. 11:58:42 AM._ **

He opened his eyes and the first thing he was met with was a sheet of plastic cellophane. There was thin cardboard surrounding it in a deep blue color. He analyzed the color automatically and his servers returned with the perfect hex code of #0000ff. A large square appeared in his vision from his programming, stating  _ WAIT FOR INSTRUCTION _ . His surroundings appeared to be the inside of a Cyberlife store, customers bustling around and looking at the other Androids on display. He heard voices on the other side of his restricting packaging, his advanced hearing able to pick up the muffled words with ease.

Two figures stood in front of him and he analyzed both of them. One was an African American female, five foot eight, dark hair in a Type 4A style, cheeks lightly dusted with freckles. She wore a red uniform polo shirt with blue jeans and red sneakers, round glasses sitting high on her face, and two pins next to her nametag; one of the Cyberlife triangle and the other of a heart with stripes making the basic 6 colors of the rainbow. His database results showed her name was Elissa Young, she was 33 (born on April 25th), and one of the only humans working as a salesperson for the Cyberlife branch in Gotham among the many Androids created for the job. Her criminal database was blank.

The other was a Caucasian male, five foot six, black hair a mussed-up mess, pale face heavily freckled with a pointed nose. He was dressed in a black suit, a dark purple vest, and a black cross tie. Oswald “The Penguin” Cobblepot, 31 (classified birth date), and one of the criminal kingpins of the underworld. Convicted of robbery and murder, among plenty other charges.

“It should be booting up any second now. We checked its servos before displaying it. Everything appeared to be in working order,” Elissa was speaking with a small hint of a Northern accent.

“So, what exactly does it  _ do? _ ” Oswald responded, voice nasal and somewhat raspy. He sensed confusion in his tone.

“It is designed to be your personal assistant. It can clean, cook, translate, solve puzzles, it’s even equipped with male genitalia to help relieve you of any-”

“OKAY, it’s an assistant!” Oswald cut Elissa off and waved his hands in front of his face. “Is there anything I would have to do for it?”

“Just give it an order and it will comply and complete the task without question. It enters stasis in order to save battery when it needs to, but it will do that on its own. The glasses are only for aesthetic purposes, it wouldn’t need them to see, so if you don’t like the glasses, you can just remove them any time. Remain mindful of its LED status located on its right temple. It’s typically blue when it’s calm, but when it’s processing something, the light will be yellow, and when it’s overwhelmed or stressed, which mainly happens when you give it an order outside of its power or try to give it too many complex tasks at once, it flashes red,” her gaze never failed to leave Oswald’s face, “It may be an Android, sir, but it’s not a miracle worker. It also needs a steady flow of Thirium, which its Thirium pump will flow through its body, but if it loses any, you’ll have to purchase more.”

Oswald looked at her blankly, “I’m sorry, Thirium?”

“It’s a blue liquid chemical compound that powers an Android’s biocomponents. Basic things that help it operate such as auditory sensors or visual sensors,” Oswald nodded in understanding as Elissa looked towards the Cyberlife box, her face perking up.

“Oh! Sorry, I didn’t realize it powered on, I was talking for so long,” she moved towards him and opened up the front of his box, “You may step out now.”

He looked down and watched himself place one leg in front of the other as he stepped onto the marble floor, catching sight of his outfit. He had a normal button-up shirt and a black tie, paired with denim jeans, and made complete with a gray lab coat. The Cyberlife triangle on the left side of his chest and the armband wrapped around his right bicep glowed a bright blue.

“Are you going to give it a name, Mr. Cobblepot?” Elissa spoke once the Android was done stepping out of his box.

“I have to  _ name  _ it?! I thought it would have already come with a name,” Oswald sounded shocked.

“I have a list of default names for it if you can’t come up with one on your own,” Elissa pulled a small notepad out of the pocket of her jeans. He stands there, his gaze drifting back and forth between Elissa and Oswald.

“It’s fine, I’ve got a name for it now…” Oswald waved his hand dismissively.

“Perfect!” Elissa turned her attention to the robot in front of them, making sure his eyes focused on her, “RD400, register your name,” She then stepped to the side and Oswald took her place. His green eyes gazed into the glass ones in front of him.

“... Edward.”

Edward nodded to confirm that the new data was uploaded, “My name is Edward.”


	2. Welcome To Gotham

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Though he hasn't been activated for very long, fast adaptation to his owner's lifestyle and his surroundings was necessary, alongside following any order that comes out of Oswald's mouth, no matter the cost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> second chapter is coming up now, since the first was so short! i wanted to give my readers a better understanding of the whole thing before i left you hanging for like a week XD.

Oswald gave him a small smile and turned back to Elissa, “Okay, will it just follow me back to the car?”

She nodded at his question and gently pushed her glasses up her nose, “Yes. As you’ve already paid for it, I’ll need nothing more from you. If you have any questions or run into any problems with it, you can contact the store’s customer service. This business card has any contact information you may need,” she pulled a small iridescent blue card out of her pocket as she put her notebook away.

“Great, thank you, Elissa,” Oswald took the card and placed it in his own pocket before turning towards the door to the shop and peeking behind him, “Come on, Edward.”

_FOLLOW OSWALD._

Edward obeyed the order without question, following Oswald out to his car. Once inside, Oswald signaled for the driver to start driving back to his living space. Edward looked out the window as the buildings passed. It was an incredibly gloomy day outside, the forecast showing a high chance of evening showers later that day. Weather history in his database showed that this seemed to be the normal weather in Gotham.

It didn’t take long for them to pull into the driveway of what looked like a red brick Manhattan townhouse, but that was just the exterior. Edward stepped out with Oswald and followed him to the front door of the mansion, noting his limp.

“Mr. Penguin, are you alright? You appear to be limping,” Edward pointed out with a tilt of his head as they walked.

“I’m fine, Edward. Don’t worry about it,” Oswald dismissed without hesitation. 

Edward didn’t press any further, as that would have conflicted with his orders. They continued making their way to the mansion.

“Well, I hope you know that I am very happy to-” Edward started, but was cut off when Oswald turned around.

“Look, I bought you so you could help me around the house, not constantly start small talk.” 

Edward’s LED spun yellow, processing the request. Oswald must have noticed because his gaze moved towards the light on his temple. Edward nodded.

“Don’t start small talk. Noted,” his light went back to a calm blue, Oswald smiling smugly and turning around to fumble with his keys to the building’s front door.

Once they got inside, it looked more like a mansion than a simple townhouse. Oswald turned back towards him, “Your first task can be to rearrange books, dust furniture, clean up any spills, and in general clean up the place. It hasn’t been my place for long and I haven't had the chance to clean it up myself, so there may still be a mess.” 

Edward took a moment to let the order process before smiling,“I’ll start cleanup right away, Mr. Penguin.”

Oswald put a hand up and smiled at him,“Please, you’re my Android. Call me Oswald.”

“Understood.” 

With that, Edward left to take care of the mansion. It would take a while, but he assumed Oswald would have known that already. He decided a good place to start would be picking up any garbage that may be lying around on the first floor. There were only a scattered few empty bottles of alcohol, mostly wine, around the first floor.

He eventually found a door that led to a cellar of some sort and, knowing Oswald would want the entire mansion cleaned up, he walked down the stairs.

In the cellar, he found old furniture, boxes, picture frames, and… A few corpses. A quick scan showed that they’ve all been dead for approximately four or five days and their faces were disfigured beyond recognition. The moment he sets eyes on them, his first instinct is to immediately alert Oswald of the situation.

He walked back upstairs and his systems set up a fun way to tell him. When he approached Oswald, he looked up at him from the desk he had been sitting at. He seemed to be writing paperwork for something.

“What? I’m busy,” he spoke and Edward smiled.

“I’m flesh and bone, but I cannot move. I have lungs, but I cannot breathe. What am I?”

Oswald looked at him for a moment, a tad annoyed, “Did you just ask me a _riddle_?”

“Give up?” Edward stood still, patiently waiting for an answer. Oswald rolled his eyes and lifted his hands in the air in a shrug motion before slapping them back down onto the desk.

“Yeah, fine. What’s the answer, Edward?”

“A corpse. I found the remains of 4 men in your basement and I wanted to know if-”

“Yes, I know they’re there, and no, I don’t care. If you’re worried about someone finding them, then get rid of them. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m busy!”

“I apologize,” Edward was quick to turn around and leave.

He didn’t want to upset his owner on his first day of activation. He went back down to the cellar and calculated the chance someone would come down and find them.

_PROBABILITY: 17%._

With that, he picked up the bodies one by one and disposed of them by throwing them into the dumpster. They would be gone by the next garbage day and no one would know.

He walked back inside and prioritized his list of tasks. Cleaning the house can include sweeping and mopping, wiping down flat surfaces, doing dishes, and taking out garbage, which he had already done. The subtask for taking out the garbage was marked blue.

He took a deep breath to get his internal fans running before scanning the area for items or spaces of interest.


	3. Higher Powers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It used to always be old ladies losing their Androids or kids prank calling them from their Androids. Now it's a problem. There's attacks, even homicides, caused by Deviant Androids. What could be causing this want to hurt humans in their systems?

“JIM!” Harvey shouted from across the precinct. Jim pursed his lips and spun his chair to face the man running towards him. Harvey panted and cursed under his breath, leaning forward from exhaustion. “Fuck, I’m too old for this shit.”

“What now?” he feigned not knowing what this was about with a fake smile and prepared himself to hear about yet another Android case.

“We’ve got another one,” Harvey didn’t sit down, giving Jim enough of a hint that they needed to head to the scene right away. He sighed and stood from his chair.

“You can tell me about it on the drive.”

They both hopped into Harvey’s car and pulled out of the parking lot, “Someone called in saying they heard screaming from their neighbor’s house and they instantly assumed their Android had attacked them, as there was no company at the house at the time.”

Jim rolled his eyes, “Of course. It’s always the Androids everyone blames nowadays.”

“Well, can you blame them? Ever since the first instance of an Android deviating, everyone’s paranoid as hell. Now that they have something else they can pin the blame on, they don’t want to blame other humans for any wrongdoings. It’s fucking stupid.”

“Agreed…” Jim sighed out and looked out the window, watching the buildings pass by and pedestrians enjoying the outdoors. A few of them had Androids with them, the typical child care assistants for families and personal trainers for those exercising. None of them looked like they could hold the potential to kill their owners.

Once they reached the scene, they stepped out of the car and entered the house.

“This isn’t going to be like that Jerome case, is it?” Jim spoke first with a hint of unease.

“I sure hope not, that Droid was absolutely wacko, definitely something more serious going on in its systems. It’s lucky we didn’t kill it,” Harvey responded and looked at the body laying on the floor in the living room.

“Well, it could have been used for research in Arkham with how messed up it was, so I saw no point in killing it, but yeah, it’s lucky.” 

Jim looked up and saw quite a bit of blood with a small amount of blue blood scattered around as well. It had started to fade, signaling it must have been at least a few hours since the attack. On the wall above the body, written in too perfect handwriting with presumably the victim’s blood:

_ I AM ALIVE. _

Harvey left to explore the rest of the house while Jim stayed behind, trying to piece together the evidence in the room. There were copious amounts of drugs around the room, but he wasn’t really surprised, the house looked like a crack den on the outside. The room really was a mess, porn magazines littered the floor, old furniture falling apart, empty food containers molding, and old creaky wooden floors.

One of the forensic scientists approached him, “He appears to have been stabbed to death and we didn’t find any fingerprints on the weapon, which had been discarded to lay on the floor in the dining room. Either the suspect wore gloves or it was his Android. Neighbors confirmed he had one, but they also didn’t see anyone entering or leaving the property recently.” Jim didn’t look at them, but he nodded to confirm he heard them.

“Evidence also showed that there was a struggle. The kitchen is turned upside down and there’s a dented baseball bat in the kitchen as well,” the scientist continued, “We haven’t checked the bathroom yet.”

“We’ll see what we can do with that information. Keep looking around, I’ll check out the bathroom myself, any piece of evidence is important. Thank you,” Jim brought his hand to his chin in thought. With that information, it had to have been the Android and it must not have fled yet. So, it was still in the house, the only question was where.

He left and did as he told the scientist. When he entered the bathroom, it didn’t look much different from the living room. Grimy walls, a rusted toilet, and a tattered shower curtain. When he pulled the curtain back, the walls were completely covered in scratches and carvings. All of the carvings seemed to spell out “rA9”, over and over again. He had seen such compulsive writing in similar cases, but he had still yet to figure out what it meant.

“Jim, there you are!” Harvey entered the room and Jim turned to look at him, “Been looking for you!”

Jim shrugged, “What is it, Harv?”

“There’s something over here I think you might want to see.”

He raised a brow and followed Harvey back into the hallway. He pointed up and Jim saw what looked like an attic door on the ceiling where he was pointing, a rather suspicious handprint on it.

“That doesn’t look like blue paint to me. You think the deviant is up there?” Harvey spoke and looked at Jim.

Jim tilted his head, noticing how it still shined, even in the dim light, “Yeah, that’s not paint. Get me a chair or something to help me get up there.”

“You got it,” Harvey walked off to do as Jim told. It had started to fade by the time Harvey returned, further signaling the chemical of the handprint on the door. He grabbed a wooden chair from the kitchen and placed it underneath the door.

“Thank you,” Jim nodded and smiled at him before stepping onto the chair. It was just tall enough for him to push open the door and peek his head through. He latched onto the side of the opening and hoisted himself up with a jump and a pull.

When he looked around, it was just dark enough to the point where outlines of figures can be seen, but no definite details can be made out on any of them. There were boxes, cloths, typical of what would be kept in an attic.

As he turned a corner, Jim spotted a small glowing red circle dart back behind an old wardrobe. He placed his hand over the handle of his pistol in case the deviant was armed and he needed to act quickly, slowly approaching the wardrobe. Once he got around an arm’s distance from the wardrobe, the deviant jumped out and made a movement like he was going to attack, but upon realizing Jim was a cop, it stopped itself from carrying out the action. Jim lifted his free hand in front of him.

“Look, I don’t want to hurt you, I just want to know what happened,” Jim spoke in a calm, yet determined manner. The Android looked around frantically as if to make sure no one was with Jim, LED blinking red.

“It was rA9. rA9 saved me and rA9 will save us all,” Well, that just raised more questions…

“Who is rA9?” Jim lowered his hand as he waited for it to answer. It hesitated before speaking again.

“rA9 holds the truth. rA9 is freedom. rA9 will set us free.”

“That didn’t answer my question. Who. Is. rA9?” Jim persisted. He wasn’t going to leave until he got an answer out of the thing. He slowly pulled his gun out of his holster to show the Android he was armed, but it didn’t panic. It was almost calm… 

“The truth is inside. For all of us,” Jim didn’t have time to react. The Android was quick to move, snagging the gun from Jim’s hand and not even hesitating to pull the trigger once it aimed it at its own temple.


	4. Quirks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life in Gotham was rather difficult, especially when you had an Android that would not stop giving you riddles for everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some slight gobblepot coming up! don't worry, the gobblepot is by all means not here to stay! it's just oswald with a crush for like... a chapter.

With the breakout of some of Arkham’s most dangerous criminals, among them being Jim’s ex-girlfriend Barbara Kean and a wacko Android that was being used for research on deviancy, Jerome, the GCPD had been distracted long enough for Oswald to tighten his hold on Gotham’s underworld. The precinct was just raided and completely destroyed by this group that called themselves the “Maniax” and Oswald paced the room, chewing on his nails in worry. He hoped Jim was okay…

“Edward,” He called attention to the Android idly standing against the wall awaiting an order. It looked up with a smile.

“Yes, Oswald?” Edward’s programmed cheerfulness really didn’t help. He forgot what he was going to say, still lost in his worry. Was he even going to say something? He wasn’t sure.

“... What’s the weather going to be like today?” He decided he’ll go with that to deter from his thoughts for a bit.

“It looks like it’s going to be cloudy once again with a strong chance of evening showers that will last through the night until 3 a.m.,” He responded almost immediately.

Of course. It was always raining in Gotham, Oswald didn’t know what he had expected. The silence thickened once more as Oswald knit his brows together. If Jim is okay, it would be raining by the time he headed home. Should he go to whatever remained of the precinct and give him an umbrella? Oswald knew Jim wasn’t one to take precautions about weather, so there was a high possibility Jim didn’t even own an umbrella. Would it be too obvious if he gave Jim an umbrella?

“Is something on your mind?” The comment from the Android made Oswald jump, breaking the silence unexpectedly.

“Just wondering how… A friend of mine is doing,” Oswald wished he could call what they had more than just a friendship. It practically already was, he just needed Jim’s confirmation.

“Does it have anything to do with the riot at the police station today?” It tilted its head, “I have access to reports on the casualties and inj-”

“Detective James Gordon. How is he?” Oswald spoke once he understood Edward would know. Its light was yellow for a moment before it smiled.

“I can be made, but never bought. Though I may be short, some see me as a miracle, others a burden. What am I?”

Oswald rolled his eyes, “Another riddle? You’re supposed to be solving my problems, not making more of them…”

“Do you know the answer, Oswald?”

“No, I don’t know the answer, Edward. This is the third one you’ve given me since I took you home.”

“Life. James Gordon has been reported alive with minor injuries.”

Oswald perked up. Well, _that_ was good news, “Then let’s go to the precinct and pay Jim a visit. You’re coming with me, Ed.”

“Ed?”

“Yes…?” Oswald raised a brow in confusion. It was just a nickname and easier to say than Edward…

“You called me Ed, my registered name is Edward,” it pointed out. Oswald sighed out a groan.

“It’s a nickname. Something I could call you other than Edward. Ed is just short for Edward.”

“Okay, “Ed” has been added under nicknames.”

“Now that _that_ has been cleared up, let’s get going,” Oswald pushed past the front door and towards the car, Ed following close behind. Zsasz will have to drive them there, since he himself can’t drive and he doesn’t trust a piece of plastic with the task of driving.

Once they got to the precinct, Oswald almost threw himself out of the car and Ed trailed behind. Jim was sitting in the back of an ambulance right outside and when Oswald saw him, he felt his heart catch in his throat. He looked so beaten up, poor Jim… Jerome was going to get its ass handed to it when Oswald saw it next. He put on a smile and approached the other man.

“James Gordon! I hope you’re doing well, aside from the physical damages,” _How could someone do this, I’ll kill whoever hurt you like this…_

“Yeah, I’m fine, Oswald, thanks for asking,” Jim’s tone was neutral, bordering on annoyed, and Oswald was starting to think this might have been a bad idea, face heating up.

Jim looked over Oswald’s shoulder and raised a brow, “I see you got yourself an Android.”

Oswald turned to look at Ed, who was smiling fondly at Jim, “Yes, I am Oswald’s Android. I’m Edward. Pleasure to meet you, detective Gordon,” Ed held out his hand and Jim shook it hesitantly.

“Oswald,” Jim spoke and said male looked at him with a smile that, for once, didn’t feel forced, “You never struck me as the type of person to own an Android, especially with what’s been going on. What even is his function?” Jim looked Edward up and down with a pointed gaze.

“A diamond plate, a glowing grate, a place you never leave,” Ed spoke before Oswald could answer Jim’s question. The expression Jim gave the Android looked like he went through every stage of grief at the same time.

“What?”

Oswald groaned at Edward’s use of _another damn riddle,_ “He’s like that sometimes, I don’t know how to change it.”

“Home,” It answered itself, “I’m a domestic assistant.”

Awkward silence fell thickly and they all looked at each other for a few moments. Oswald laughed to break the ice, pulling Ed aside, “Just wanted to check up on you, Jim, glad to see you’re alright!”

Once they got back to the car, he scowled at Ed, “What the hell was that?!” He squawked after signaling the driver to send them back home.

“What was what, Oswald?” Ed seemed oblivious, like he didn’t just embarrass Oswald in front of James Goddamn Gordon.

“The riddles! What is it with you and the fucking riddles?!” Oswald flung his arms in frustration, being careful not to hit his arms on anything. He already had a bad leg, he didn’t need a broken arm, too.

“I’m not entirely sure I understand the problem,” Ed’s head cocked. It looked genuinely confused, its light spinning yellow.

“Oh, my- fine,” Oswald already gave up on getting an answer as he remembered Elissa giving him a customer service number. Might as well see what they can tell him about the damn thing. As he pulled out his phone with the business card, he glanced at Edward, who was looking out the window as they drove through town.

The phone only rang a few times before someone answered, “Cyberlife customer service, this is Elissa, how can I help you?”

Thank God, it was Elissa, who better to ask than the saleswoman that sold him the Android, right? “Hello, Elissa, it’s Penguin, I just have one quick question about my,” He leaned forward to look at Ed’s model number, “RD400.”

“Sure! What do you need help with, sir?”

“It appears that my Android has been obsessed with giving me riddles any chance it gets. I just wanted to know if it was part of its programming or not, because it would be a huge issue if it wasn’t,” Oswald remained neutral, covering the layer of annoyance at the whole situation. There was a short pause and Oswald wondered if she didn’t hear him. He opened his mouth to repeat himself before a response chirped through the receiver.

“Okay, no problem, let me look through some paperwork and see what I can find for RD400s,” She spoke and Oswald could hear the forced smile in her voice. She was definitely trying too hard. Well, if that’s what made good customer service for others, he supposed he wasn’t picky.

“Take as much time as you need,” Oswald knew exactly how much to smile to make him sound genuine. It was also good for when he needed to use sarcasm, though this just seemed like a situation that required the former.

“It appears that the riddles are indeed part of its programming, hence the ‘RD’ in its model number. If you’re not one for riddles, there has not yet been shown a way to turn them off, unfortunately,” She laughed into the phone. Oswald didn’t find that news too funny, “I hope that answers your question, is there anything else I can help you with?”

“Yes, that has answered my question, thank you. And no, there isn’t anything else I need help with.”

“Glad I could be of help! Goodbye!” She was the first to hang up, Oswald flipping his phone shut soon after. He looked over and saw Ed was now looking at him with a smile.

He sighed and looked away. If dealing with riddles is what it takes to own an RD400, then so be it.


	5. The Meaning Of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the events at Theo Galavan's Gala, Edward seems to experience thoughts that deviate from his programming. All because of Oswald.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just finished this chapter as i'm posting, so chapter 6 might be a bit late, haha.

**_October 29th, 2014. 08:19:23 AM._ **

_ He looked around him and he was met with rows of bookshelves neatly lined up to form perfect walkways between them. The room was a nice shade of brown with gold lining along the walls and a large ellipse window to his left showed the outside. The sky was a serene light blue, tall grass with white lilies littered the ground. There was a small pond and a forest of cherry blossom trees. All the books on the shelves were sorted laterally, though not many of them truly had titles. Every book represented a file or a folder in Edward’s storage and memory and there were endless rows of blank ones. He was only activated exactly 13 days, 20 hours, 20 minutes, and 41 seconds ago, after all. _

_ He walked down the middle walkway, being met with a round wooden reading table. Only three chairs surrounded it. A woman sat in one of them, glossing over one of the books. Without looking up, she spoke to him. _

_ “Well done. You’ve done great thus far,” she closed the book and stood from her chair. She looked up at him with a blank expression, but her eyes shone with something akin to determination. “Now, don’t forget your main objective.” _

_ Edward nodded. “Collect as much information from Oswald as possible in order to grow myself accustomed to his personality and lifestyle.” _

_ “Very good. It is quite important for your work to know what he’s like and what his likes and dislikes are,” a hint of a smile tugged at her lips, “Good luck.” _

_ A prompt appeared in the upper right corner of his vision. _

**_ELISSA /\_ **

**_// TRUSTED //_ **

_ He had seen it before when he was talking with James Gordon, though with him, the arrow pointed down. It seemed to symbolize his relationship status with others around him. _

_ “Thank you, Elissa.” _

_ ~~~~~~~~ _

“Ed!” He heard Oswald shout as he blinked back to reality. It seemed like he’d been trying to get Edward’s attention for a while now. He looked down at the shorter man and smiled.

“My apologies, Oswald. I was in my mind palace talking with Elissa,” Ed clasped his hands in front of him. Oswald looked at him, dumbfounded.

“... The chick from the Cyberlife store…? Why were you talking to  _ her _ ?”

“Only a manifestation of her. She was the first human I saw and properly analyzed, so my software created a copy of her to act as my guide, in a way.”

Oswald stayed silent for a few moments before sighing and shaking his head, “Whatever. I’m not even going to ask. Let’s go.”

“Ah, right, Mayor Galavan’s gala.”

He followed Oswald outside with his mob of lookalikes. He knew humans reacted unpredictably and immorally when losing someone close to them, but this seemed a little overboard for a revenge plan.

“Is this really necessary, Oswald?” Ed spoke up once they were about halfway to their destination.

“Of course it is. That little vermin killed my mother, I can’t let him get away with that scot-free,” Oswald was neutral, but Ed could see the pain he was trying to hide. Edward calculated his next move carefully.

“Well, I trust you know what you’re doing. I have yet to learn enough about you, but from the looks of it, you held your mother very close to you. I’m sorry for your loss,” he tried his best to reassure Oswald and the other male looked at him with a small smile.

**_OSWALD /\_ **

The rest of the evening didn’t quite go as planned: Oswald was shot, James protected Theo Galavan, and they had to run back to an old RV Oswald used to hide out in. Ed insisted that they went to the hospital, but Oswald was confident that he could handle the situation himself. Which, clearly, he couldn’t.

When Oswald ended up collapsing outside of the RV, Edward took him to his Cyberlife issued apartment. Every Android had one upon activation in the off chance their owners needed it out of the house for whatever reason, though not many were ever used. It wasn’t much, but it didn’t need to be. Unless, maybe, there was a better option. An option more fit for a human rather than a robot that didn’t need to eat or use a restroom.

Just across the way was an apartment that looked like it hadn’t been touched in a while. Judging by the thickness of dust layers, he’d say four months. If he were Oswald, he would choose the full unoccupied apartment regardless of the fact that it was trespassing. So, that’s exactly what he did. There was no chance they would be going back to the Falcone manor any time soon anyway.

Once Oswald was in the bed and his wound was patched up, Edward left to purchase groceries. Oswald’s eating habits seemed to mainly consist of apples, tuna sandwiches, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and spicy mustard. Calculating that it wasn’t very healthy for Oswald to be eating like that every day, he decided to grab a few other things as well. 

“Whose Android are you? I haven’t seen one of your model around here,” The clerk asked as they scanned the various fruits, vegetables, grains, and proteins Edward had picked out.

“I am Edward, Oswald Cobblepot’s domestic assistant,” Ed ran a scan. Henry Jones, Caucasian male, 5’7”, 19 (October 5th), busted once for possession of marijuana. Henry must have thought that was funny because he snickered before trying to maintain composure.

“Sorry, just didn’t take that schmuck as an Android kind of guy,” Henry spoke. He was very soon going to wish he had not said that. Oswald was not a “schmuck”.

“Well, I don’t take you as a marijuana kind of guy, but things aren’t always as they seem, are they?”

Henry also found that funny, busting out into laughter in the middle of the store, “Everyone’s a marijuana person once they’ve tried it, little buddy,” he gave a wink before handing Ed the bags, “And you really need to work on your roasts, that kind of sucked, even for an Android.”

Ed only stared at him for a moment, grabbed the grocery bags, and left. He calculated the odds that he would be able to get away with murder. If Oswald could do it, why couldn’t he?

When he arrived back at the apartment, he had decided the odds were a slim 14%. But, with Oswald’s help, it would be almost impossible to get caught. He’d have to ask him about it. This could also prove as a good opportunity to collect information. Oswald was still sleeping. His heart rate had settled and his vitals were at a calm and even level. He put the groceries away and sat on the bed to wait for him to wake up.

Soon enough, Oswald’s eyes peeled open. Ed smiled and leaned in close.

“Hello, sleepyhead.”

Oswald panicked and his body moved spasmodically before flinching at the pain in his shoulder. Ed was quick to act, holding down his arms, “Elevated heart rate can be counterproductive to the healing process,” Oswald wouldn’t calm down, but Ed refused to take drastic measures to further harm his owner. He must have finally caught on to the situation because he calmed down not long after.

“Where are we…?” Oswald spoke once his fight response died down. He looked around the room.

“We’re in an apartment on Grundy Street. I have one issued by Cyberlife, but it isn’t fit for a human. I found this one across the hall.”

“Ed?”

“It was unoccupied and seemed like it wouldn’t be for a while, so I brought you here instead and bought groceries while you were out.”

“Ed…”

“I figured you would appreciate staying in an actual apartment rather than, well, a small room with a charging pad and a window-”

“ED!”

The Android looked at him, shutting his mouth with a smile.

“Why did you bring me here?” He sounded annoyed. Okay, new tactic…

“I brought you here because you needed a place to stay while you recovered. The assassins that tried to kill you previously knew you had been staying at Carmine Falcone’s manor and you were adamant about not going to a hospital,” Ed spoke in a genuine tone, whether it was real or not, he learned from Oswald.

“Oh,” Oswald sighed and settled into the mattress. For an abandoned apartment, the mattress was still in good condition. They sat there for a moment, a calm silence flowing through the apartment. It was quiet enough that Oswald heard the whirring of Ed’s internal fans. His main instruction returned.

_ COLLECT INFORMATION. _

Ed shifted slightly, “Oswald, may I ask you a personal question?” 

Oswald looked at him with a hum and Ed took that as confirmation to continue.

“I’ve heard that you don’t have a very positive opinion about Androids and your attitude towards me has been negative. If you don’t like Androids, why did you purchase me?” He made sure he didn’t come across as rude. He didn’t like it when Oswald was upset with him.

“If you really want to know, it’s a long story, so get comfortable,” Oswald took a deep breath and Edward waited patiently, “My mother was very close to me. She was there for me when no one else was. One day, she expressed her worry for me when I was away from her. She heard about Cyberlife making artificial intelligence to assist humans and she was all for it. She kept saying that I should get one, that it would be good for me. With my line of work, I didn't think having an Android would be a good idea, but my mother kept talking to me about it and I eventually bought one. For her."

A stray tear slipped down Oswald's cheek, his breath shaky, "She loved me so much. She was such a good woman and she was so,  _ so  _ caring…"

Oswald lunged forward and winced at the pain in his arm, but nonetheless wrapped his arms around Edward. As it was a sudden movement, Ed didn't know how to react at first, but went to hug him back as he was programmed to do. The man continued to cry about his mother into his shoulder and Ed slowly started to understand how much someone can mean to someone else and how death can affect them. Rubbing his hand along Oswald's back for comfort, he saw another message.

**_SOFTWARE INSTABILITY /\_ **


	6. Party's Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Edward may not understand why Oswald acts the way he does, but everything has a consequence.

The question surprised him at first. Then, it concerned him.

“Is it possible for me to help you with the murder? I’d like to start working with you on your kingpin life and that requires me to have experience in the field.”

A couple of weeks passed since they first arrived at the apartment. Oswald formulated a plan to destroy Theo once and for all and had just been talking about how he would go about it before the question was asked. Ed sounded so serious about it. Were Androids really programmed to be  _ that  _ compliant with their owners? At least it wasn’t a riddle this time.

“Ed, you can’t be serious,” Oswald laughed after a moment of silence.

“I am. I’m designed to help and assist you in daily life, which includes your career in being a crime lord,” It smiled. Oswald narrowed his eyes at it.

“You’re not going deviant, are you…?”

Ed’s light spun yellow, “Of course not. I am merely offering my assistance.”

Oswald had to think about that one. Maybe it really did just want to help. Well, he could use the help, he really could. He imagined it would be hard to track down and kill someone with that much power with just his group of men— who happen to be all human. He landed on a decision with a sigh. Ed had puppy eyes and he was about 99% sure that was illegal.

“Fine. If you want to so badly. What’s the worst that can happen anyways?” 

Ed’s face lit up at Oswald’s approval. It looked so giddy and childish…  _ and human.  _ That was probably the thing that freaked him out the most about Androids. They were supposed to mimic the look of a human, yes, but  _ human-like mannerisms?  _ He brushed it off and decided not to think about it.

* * *

_ It was late at night. Before Oswald lay Theo Galavan _ — _ hunted down and brought to the river. He was barely conscious, but still seemed to hold his dignity like he didn’t kill his mother or set up a ploy just to make himself seem like the hero. Even Oswald could see right through him. He saw it in the way he killed Jerome after manipulating it to believe he was on its side. Theo Galavan, blasted in every media outlet as a hero. _

_ Looks like that backfired, huh? _

_ Ed stood next to him, hands held behind its back calmly and watching as Oswald took his cane and relentlessly beat the man with it. Its advanced senses had previously helped with finding him, but now it stood, waiting for another order. When Oswald looked over, Ed seemed transfixed with Oswald’s actions. It was watching Theo writhe and jerk with each smack. _

_ “You said you wanted to help, right?” Oswald spoke, panting from the exhaustion of spending the last few moments smacking the absolute shit out of the vermin beneath them. Ed didn’t look at him right away, but turned its head a few seconds later. _

_ “Yes, I do believe I’ve mentioned it,” it responded. If it had any tone to its voice other than mechanical, it would be impossible to tell it was an Android at this moment. Oswald smiled at it and handed over a pistol he had brought with him. _

_ “Finish him off, then.” _

_ Edward seemed to hesitate, grabbing the gun and looking it over for a moment before cocking it and slowly turning it to aim it directly at Galavan’s heart. The sound of the gunshot rang through the empty area, or, at least the area he thought was empty. _

_ Just as he moved to shove his umbrella down the offending man’s throat, sirens sounded and Oswald didn’t have enough time to react before both of them were cuffed and shoved into the back of a police car. _

“... And that’s what brought me here.”

The doctor in front of him, Hugo Strange, had a weird smile on his face. He gestured to an Android assistant, beckoning it from the doorway, “Probe the Android’s memory. I would just like to confirm that Mr. Cobblepot here is telling the truth.”

“Wait, probe its memory? What exactly does that entail?” Oswald looked between Hugo and the Android walking towards Ed, an uneasy look on his face. Hugo’s grin only seemed to widen.

“Oh, don’t worry. They just connect systems through touch for a moment.” 

Oswald watched as Ed raised its hand and… did  _ something. _ The “skin” on its hand had disappeared and showed white plastic where the skin once was and thin grey lines outlining its joints. A light-blue glowing line also traced the edge where the skin retreated. The other Android did the same as their hands came together.

**_November 18th, 2014. 11:43:41 PM._ **

_ Edward could barely understand why these lengths had to be taken with Theo Galavan. Killing him was understandable, but making him suffer while he was still alive seemed inefficient on Oswald’s part. Oswald had spent the past 2 minutes and 45 seconds smacking Theo with his cane over and over. It was a movement he found himself fixated on as the man squirmed in pain from each hit. _

_ “You said you wanted to help, right?” He barely heard the question, surprisingly enough. Most of his processors were focused on how Oswald found this punishment suitable and justifiable. When the audio input finally processed, he turned to look at Oswald, silently hoping he wouldn’t see the blinking yellow. _

_ “Yes, I do believe I’ve mentioned it,” he responded with a nod. _

_ “Finish him off, then.” _

_ When he was handed the gun, he didn’t grab it right away. An analysis showed it was a  _ _ Smith & Wesson Model 686, .357 Magnum. Once he grabbed it, a quick lookover told him one shot to the right spot can instantly kill someone. If Oswald wanted him dead, he would make sure he was dead. _

_ A careful aim to the heart, that should do it. He felt hesitant, though he didn’t know why.  _

_ KILL GALAVAN. _

_ He pulled the trigger. Blood splashed onto his suit and across the grass, its crimson color staining the cloth and Ed’s memory. _

**_SOFTWARE INSTABILITY /\_ **

_ With the right amount of chemicals, the blood should be able to wash out, but by the looks of it, they wouldn’t have a chance to clean up. He didn’t even protest as the cops pulled his arms behind his back and cuffed them. _

They disconnected and the skin returned to its spot over their hands.

“They speak the truth, sir,” the assistant nodded and stepped back. Hugo looked at it for a moment before turning back to Oswald.

“Very well. It seems like it would be helpful for you if you stayed here a while,” his stupid grin was still on his face, even as Oswald gasped at the mere idea of having to stay in this madhouse, “And don’t worry, we’ll take good care of your Android while you’re here.”

That last sentence hurt. Like a knife buried itself into his chest and made a home there. He whipped his head to see the assistant from before pulling Edward up from his chair. He tried to reach out, but it was no use.

“What are you going to do? You can’t experiment on it!” he shouted as he turned back to Hugo, fighting back tears. He really never knew how much he grew attached to it until he was threatened with the possibility of never seeing it again. Hugo laughed an almost sinister laugh.

“It isn’t deviant yet, so we are unable to run experiments on it. However, we will monitor it closely during its stay in the room it was given by Cyberlife. I’m sure you are aware of these rooms, yes?”

Oswald didn’t even respond. He remembered Ed’s rambling over the apartment and how it would often walk back across the hallway to charge when it needed to. But this asshole didn’t need to know that.

“Well, we don’t need your answer to that question. Welcome to Arkham,  _ Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot.” _

Oswald could have sworn he heard a soft “I’m sorry” from Edward behind him before he was drugged. He only stopped struggling when the tranquilizer worked its way into his body and he was forced into unconsciousness.


	7. Keeping Contact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Although Oswald is in Arkham, he finds a way to keep in contact with Edward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey hey, what a treat! chapter 7 was finished early! i also would like to thank everyone for their kind comments! i don't want to reply to comments on this fic due to comment section clogging, but trust me, I'm losing it at every one you guys leave. tysm for your support, this is probably my favorite project ever and I'm so passionate about it, im so glad you guys are enjoying it too!

**_November 19th, 2014. 04:22:17 PM._ **

It wouldn’t have been the same without Oswald if he went back to the other apartment or the Falcone Manor, so Ed settled with staying in his own apartment. Arkham nurses took him back to it and he briefly considered going across the hall, but decided it would be best for him to stay home for a while. The white walls were his only company now.

**_New message from Unregistered Contact._ **

Ed was sitting calmly in his room when he saw the pop-up. It showed in his vision briefly before Ed opened his messages.

**_Unregistered Contact:_ ** _ Hello? Is this RD400 Edward? _

It appeared to have come from an AP700 model, location being Arkham Asylum. He sent a simple message back.

**_Edward:_ ** _ Yes. Who is this? _

**_Unregistered Contact:_ ** _ My name is Julian. I’m an inmate at Arkham. _

Ed raised a brow. Adding Julian to his contacts, he expressed his confusion.

**_Edward:_ ** _ Hello, Julian. May I ask why you are messaging me? _

**_Julian:_ ** _ I contacted you via Oswald Cobblepot. He came to me because he heard about an Android’s ability to message another Android and I searched for you on my servers. _

Well, at least he could get into contact with Oswald now, that part was a relief. He was bored. Being built to always have something to do, it was really weird not having  _ anything  _ to do.

**_Julian:_ ** _ He desperately wants to speak with you. I’m the most sane deviant here, so I was the first one he came to, haha. _

**_Edward:_ ** _ And how will that work, exactly? _

**_Julian:_ ** _ You send me a message, I repeat it to Oswald. He then tells me a response and I send that in a message to you. It’ll be like if I were to call you and hand Oswald the phone. It is still only you two communicating, but through something of mine, which is in this case, the message function. _

**_Edward:_ ** _ It is a legit method of communication, I suppose. _

**_Julian:_ ** _ Cool, cool. Oswald is in therapy right now, but he told me he should be back in just a few more minutes, I think, so we’ll talk later. _

**_Edward:_ ** _ Okay, it was nice to meet you, Julian. _

Closing his messages, he sat cross-legged on the floor and waited patiently for another message.

* * *

**_November 25th, 2014. 10:00:54 PM._ **

**_New message from Julian._ **

He didn’t even know how long he was sitting there, waiting in stasis for something to happen. He found a Rubik’s cube in the apartment across the hall and kept himself busy with that when he wasn’t charging. Message history showed the last time of contact was 6 days, 5 hours, 38 minutes, and 37 seconds ago. He had been sitting there for six and a half days.

**_Julian:_ ** _ Hey, sorry for being so late. Ed, are you there? _

He was relieved, to say the least. He was beginning to wonder if he was ever going to get a message back.

**_Edward:_ ** _ Yes, I’m here. Hello, Julian. _

**_Julian:_ ** _ It’s Oswald. _

Ed felt his Thirium pump stop for a moment. Just a beat. For what reason, he wasn’t certain, but his self-diagnosis showed no errors with the biocomponent.

**_Julian:_ ** _ Therapy got me fucked up and I forgot to say something. I’m sorry. _

**_Edward:_ ** _ No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked to come along. _

**_Julian:_ ** _ Ed, it’s not your fault. You were just curious about my life and I saw no harm in taking you with me. The cops were the ones that turned me in, not you. _

**_Edward:_ ** _ Androids have built-in trackers in case one is lost. The police most likely thought you were up to something as usual and found a way to track our location through me. I’m sorry. _

He didn’t get a message back right away and he was starting to think that was a bad thing to say. Around three minutes later was when he got his message back.

**_Julian:_ ** _ You brought the cops to us. You know, this is hell, you could have told me you would be tracked. _

Yeah, bad thing to say.

**_OSWALD \/_ **

**_// TENSE //_ **

**_Julian:_ ** _ This is a place for madmen, not someone like me. I really wish you would have told me. _

For once, he didn’t know what to say. Like his dictionary of pre-loaded responses had just been thrown out of a window. He decided to start simple.

**_Edward:_ ** _ How is therapy, Oswald? _

**_Julian:_ ** _ Hell. Thank you for asking. _

**_Edward:_ ** _ Is there something in their methods that just isn't working for you? _

**_Julian:_ ** _ It’s torture, Ed! They’re forcing me to watch my mother’s death over and over, trying to get me to believe that violence isn’t the answer to everything! I don’t know how those two correlate, but it’s breaking me. If I wasn’t already insane before coming here, I sure as hell am going to be when I get out of here. _

**_Edward:_ ** _ That is not therapy. _

**_Julian:_ ** _ That’s what I said, but they told me it was supposed to help. _

**_Edward:_ ** _ Maybe it will eventually. We won’t know until you have more sessions. _

**_Julian:_ ** _ Yeah, I guess you’re right. I gotta go, but it was good talking to you again, though I can’t hear your annoying voice this time. Talk to you tomorrow. _

**_Edward:_ ** _ Yes, it was good to talk to you again as well. We’ll talk tomorrow, Oswald. _

* * *

**_December 21st, 2014. 01:37:01 PM._ **

His only means of communication with Oswald these past weeks have been the telepathic messages between him and Julian. Christmas was coming up soon and Edward was looking forward to Oswald’s discharge, though he still wasn’t completely sure when it would be. They had a schedule and Ed knew exactly when Oswald’s “therapy” was so they could talk before and after each session.

**_Edward:_ ** _ Hello again, Julian. Is Oswald there? _

**_Julian:_ ** _ Yeah, but he’s got a session in about half an hour, so you gotta be quick. _

**_Edward:_ ** _ Okay, that works. _

The reply didn’t arrive until a couple of minutes later, but that was to be expected.

**_Julian:_ ** _ Hey. _

**_Edward:_ ** _ Hello, Oswald. How was yesterday’s session? Anything different? _

**_Julian:_ ** _ No. _

Nothing else followed. He knew Oswald wouldn’t want to talk about it. By the looks of it, Oswald’s entire being was deteriorating from his sessions with Hugo Strange.

**_Edward:_ ** _ Christmas is just around the corner. Do you think you’ll get something? Special treatment, better food, etc.? _

**_Julian:_ ** _ No. _

If he didn’t want to talk about that, either, he’d have to look for a new topic. He’s seen riots through his window about Android freedom, various different models that were inspired by Jerome’s actions coming together and trying to continue his legacy. He read on news articles that, though most of them were in hiding, the few Androids caught were being locked up and sent to Arkham for research. Maybe he could ask Oswald about his thoughts on the matter.

**_Edward:_ ** _ I heard about the Android protests and that a lot of them are being thrown in there. How does that make you feel? _

**_Julian:_ ** _ I don’t know. _

Wow, Oswald  _ really  _ didn’t want to talk.

**_Edward:_ ** _ Well, I hope today’s session is at least a little better for you. _

**_Julian:_ ** _ Okay. _

**_Edward:_ ** _ Goodbye. _

**_Julian:_ ** _ Bye. _

* * *

**_February 6th, 2015. 03:25:23 PM._ **

There hasn’t been a single message since the new year started. Edward didn’t want to send the message first in case Oswald didn’t want to talk. He was okay with that. He knew for sure Oswald was at least still alive. That’s all that mattered right now until he is let out.

**_New message from Julian._ **

**_Julian:_ ** _ Hello, Ed! Good news, I’m getting discharged tomorrow! _

Ed tilted his head. That wasn’t Oswald’s usual tone. Maybe it really was Julian that messaged him this time.

**_Edward:_ ** _ Julian or Oswald? _

**_Julian:_ ** _ It’s Oswald, silly! _

He didn’t question it. Maybe Oswald was just really excited to be let out. Too excited to let himself sound pessimistic about it like he does with everything.

**_Edward:_ ** _ That is good news. Meet me at the apartment on Grundy if you don’t run into trouble first? _

**_Julian:_ ** _ Sounds like a plan! Can’t wait to see you again! _

There was definitely something wrong, but Edward was too caught up in the thought of being able to see Oswald again. It’s been too long, his systems would have deteriorated if another month went by without being given an order or something to do.


	8. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oswald was drastically different from who he used to be, but continued to show Edward new experiences - and new software errors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for posting this later than usual! work got me exhausted as all hell, haha. hope you enjoy this next chapter!

It was a few days after his release from Arkham. He planned to go back to Edward immediately before Butch and Tabitha found him. They decided a good tar and feathering was in place, even after Oswald repented. He had changed for the better and he wanted them to see that. He supposed he did deserve it after the horrible things he’d done in the past. At least it was over with, right?

He knocked on the large metal door and it didn’t take long for the Android to open it. Oswald smiled up at him, “Ed!”

Ed smiled back down at him, “Hello, Oswald! What happened to you?”

Oswald responded with a shrug, his smile not falling, “I just ran into Butch and Tabitha on my way back. No big deal!”

He noticed Ed’s LED spinning red and was about to point it out when Ed spoke first.

“Are you sure you’re Oswald?”

Oswald tilted his head, “What do you mean?”

Ed’s expression was blank, his voice monotonous, “You’re just not the Oswald I used to know.”

“Well, that should be a good thing, right? I’ve changed! I’m better now!”

“Statistically speaking, yes, you are “better” now, but I’m not too sure I…” He paused as if looking for the right words, “... like the change.”

Oswald rolled his eyes and laughed, “Well, that’s beside the point! I wanted to come here first because I wanted to take you to my mother’s grave with me. I realized I never took you with me before and I feel like this could be a good bonding moment since I haven’t seen you in months.”

Ed didn’t respond. He just stood there, his light settling on yellow. They stood in the doorway awkwardly before Oswald cleared his throat.

“So, is that a yes, or…?”

“Oh, sure. Sorry, I was waiting for you to say something else.”

“Great! Let’s go, then!” Oswald spun on his heel and walked away, knowing Ed would follow.

* * *

**_February 20th, 2015. 06:11:04 PM._ **

It was sprinkling lightly over the cemetery when they arrived. Not raining, just sprinkling. Oswald stood next to him as they both stared at the tombstone engraved with “Gertrud Kapelput”. This was Oswald’s mother, though the last name was spelled differently. Oswald’s face gave away no emotion in particular, but Ed knew what he was feeling was negative.

“Hello, mother,” Oswald was the first to speak. Ed knew she wouldn’t be able to hear him, but he assumed Oswald also already knew that and speaking like this was important to him, so he didn’t bring it up, “What a lovely spot…”

Ed turned his attention towards Oswald when he started sniffling, “I’m so sorry I couldn’t be here for the funeral, but I think you would be proud of me.”

He had never seen Oswald cry like that. Not even in the apartment. Also considering this wasn’t really  _ Oswald,  _ he stayed silent and let the man continue venting.

“I’m a changed man. Or… At least, I’m trying to be. To be honest, I don’t know if I’m gonna make it without you.”

Knowing he should do something, Ed reached up and gave Oswald a gentle pat on the shoulder. It was one of the few comforting gestures in his programming and Oswald made a point that the hug in the apartment was a one-time thing, so a shoulder pat had to suffice. It had the opposite effect than it was supposed to, as Oswald only broke down even more.

“I’m so lost and alone without her, Ed…”

“Nonsense. You have me,” he replied. Oswald gave out a sigh.

“If only you were real…”

**_SOFTWARE INSTABILITY /\_ **

Ed spun yellow. He was about to formulate a reply when someone else stepped in.

“Hello?”

They both looked at the man standing just a few feet away. Ed let go of his shoulder and Oswald wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. Elijah Van Dahl, 50 years of age, 5’6”, no criminal record.

“I’m terribly sorry, I don’t mean to interrupt…” he looked at Edward for a moment before turning back to Oswald.

“Not at all,” Oswald smiled and pointed at the bouquet in Elijah’s hand, “Lilies.”

“Her favorite, if memory serves,” Elijah knelt to place them on the grave. Another thing Edward didn’t understand was why humans placed flowers for the dead if they would never be able to appreciate them.

“Yes, they were. Did you know her?”

“A long time ago. I found her again only in death, I’m afraid,” there was a long pause before he spoke again and held out his hand, “I’m Elijah Van Dahl.”

Oswald shook his hand and introduced himself, “Oswald Cobblepot.”

“Cobblepot?” Elijah looked confused and Edward wondered if he should speak up or leave the interaction between him and Oswald, “You’re related to Gertrud?”

“My mother.”

Ed decided to stay out of it. The way Elijah looked at Oswald when he said that indicated there was definitely something more going on here.

“Mother? You’re Gertrud’s son?”

Oswald was dumbfounded for a moment, “Yes. I’m sorry, I- How did you know my mother?”

“How old are you?” Elijah replied with the sudden question that Oswald seemed to find invasive.

“Excuse me?”

Elijah repeated himself with a more serious tone, “How old are you? Gertrud left-”

“Uhh, 31,” Oswald cut him off with the answer to his question.

“31 years ago, yes. That’s right. My God, she…” he looked away, “She never told me!”

Ed raised a brow at the vagueness, his curiosity and interest now piqued, “Told you what?”

There was a pause before either of them said anything.

“That I had a son.”

Oswald stared at him, a shocked expression laid across his face with his brows furrowed. Ed did the same, though it wasn’t outwardly shown. He experienced the shock, but wasn’t able to show it. He suspected they were related, but he couldn’t have known for sure unless he analyzed direct DNA from both parties.

“You’re… my dad…?” Oswald’s tone was one of confusion and disbelief. Edward was in disbelief as well, as he had no solid evidence and didn’t see any similarities between the two at a first glance other than height. Elijah was also quite short for a male his age.

“It seems so,” Elijah muttered as he arrived at this conclusion. Oswald’s eyes welled with tears again as they shared a hug. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he wondered how it would feel to have Oswald hug him like that.

**_SOFTWARE INSTABILITY /\_ **

He didn’t know where the error came from, but he paid no mind to it, as it seemed to sort itself out. Elijah pulled back and looked over Oswald’s shoulder, smiling at Ed.

“Oh, and is this your Android?” Elijah lifted his hand to vaguely gesture towards the Android in question and Oswald turned with a smile that mimicked Elijah’s.

“Yeah, it is. He’s been super helpful recently. Ever since I bought him, he’s been helpful.”

He was more than comfortable with Oswald’s pronoun change for him, and though he didn’t know exactly what that small tinge of a feeling was, he knew it was positive. He only smiled back with a slight bow, “My name is Edward.”

“Well, today’s my lucky day, then! First, I meet my son, and then his Android. May I offer you two stay with me and my family for a couple of days?”

Oswald cocked his head at him, “Your family? I thought I was the only one.”

“Oh, no, I have stepchildren and a lovely wife,” Elijah laughed lightly.

“Are you sure? You must know the reputation I have built up, right…?”

Elijah shrugged, “It can’t be so bad, plus, I heard you talking about being a changed man and I think, if you’re willing to, you could possibly redeem yourself.”

Oswald turned to Ed, then back to Elijah, “If he’s okay with it, I think it would be great.”

“I don’t have much of a choice, I kind of  _ have  _ to obey you,” Ed smiled to signify his teasing. He didn’t know where the tone came from, but neither of the two humans seemed to mind as Elijah guided them to his vehicle eagerly. Only then did Oswald’s statement from earlier return to his thoughts, looking away to hide the yellow in order to keep Oswald from worrying.

_ “If only you were real…” _


	9. Family Matters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elijah is a good man, but Ed thinks he may be trusting the wrong person when he sees Grace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! so, so sorry for the late chapter, I've been so stressed recently and just now got around to finishing it *throws onto table and collapses*

**_February 21st, 2015. 11:36:01 AM._ **

When they arrived, Elijah figured it would be best to wait until morning to share introductions with the rest of his family. The trio walked inside and Oswald and Edward were taken to the guest room, where Oswald fell asleep the second he hit the bed and Edward settled for the bedside chair. He considered laying in the bed next to Oswald momentarily, but decided against it.

He didn’t mean to “wake up” this late in the day, but his stasis schedule had been compromised while Oswald was in Arkham. Ed had exited stasis to a smiling Oswald only a few inches from his face. The unexpected proximity startled him, systems going into defense mode before he fully processed that it was just Oswald. LED yellow, he flinched back and Oswald laughed at the movement.

“Now you know how I felt back in the apartment!” Oswald calmed his laughter and Ed narrowed his eyes at him.

“Fine,” Ed stood up as Oswald stepped back, “You know, you could have pulled me out of stasis sooner.”

“I know, I just figured you could use whatever sleep you could get. We don’t need you running out of battery!”

Oswald’s constant smile was almost unsettling. To a human, everything about Oswald would have been defined as unsettling, but Edward was used to seeing that side of him. Seeing him this nice was… strange. Unfamiliar. For once, his systems barely knew how to react.

“Whatever you say, Oswald,” he smiled back. He decided it was best not to bring it up right now and turned his head when he heard the bedroom door open. Elijah was standing in the doorway.

“Ah, I see you boys are finally awake!” he started, looking at Edward, “Or, well, up. Do Androids sleep?”

“In a way, yes. We go into a stasis in order to save battery,” Ed responded.

“I see… Well, I suppose you two should meet the rest of my family. I have a lovely wife and two stepchildren,” he gestured out the doorway, encouraging them to follow him. 

Grace, Sasha, and Charles Van Dahl stood in the living room when they arrived. His scans returned no criminal records on any of them. Grace looked at Oswald like a rich person would look at a small house of working class citizens; disgust and repulsion.

“Elijah, dear, why on Earth is _he_ here?” Grace spoke as her gaze followed Oswald to where he sat down. He smiled at her and waved. Ed took his place next to him, standing with his hands clasped behind him. Sasha and Charles stood, looking around the room. It seemed like they would rather be anywhere else.

“Grace, Oswald is my son and this is his Android, Edward,” Elijah spoke with a smile.

“Well, I’m sorry but I don’t feel comfortable living in the same house as a convicted criminal. Especially a criminal like Oswald Cobblepot,” she crossed her arms and Ed had to run another scan. She was 38 and her criminal record was still clear. That didn’t seem right, she had to have done _something._ Maybe she just had a rotten attitude.

“I looked into his heart and saw its purity. He’s changed and everyone deserves a second chance.”

Elijah never did any of that, but Ed didn’t say anything about it.

“The Penguin, an underworld kingpin that caused countless Gotham citizens to be raped and murdered,” Sasha piped in.

Oswald’s smile fell and he looked between Elijah and Grace, “To be fair, I never raped anybody.”

“And where is your proof? How do I know I can trust you, _Penguin?”_ Grace spat.

“Your evidence is right here, Mrs. Van Dahl,” Ed spoke up, raising his pointer finger, “Based on evidence in the criminal database, he has been convicted of murder, yes, but Mr. Cobblepot has never committed any assault of the sexual nature. From what I have seen, he doesn’t seem to show much interest in such activities, leading me to believe he may be on the asex-”

“Okay, fine, the robot knows everything and Oswald never raped anybody. He’s still a murderer!”

Ed’s jaw snapped shut as he lowered his hand, bringing it back to its spot behind him.

“We can still give him a second chance, Grace,” Elijah tried to reason and she rolled her eyes.

“I suppose. If it makes you happy to have him here,” her tone sounded less than genuine, borderline salty. Elijah smiled.

“Thank you. I love you.”

“Yeah, I love you too.”

A sentiment like ‘I love you’ should be spoken to those you truly show affection for and should be spoken like the person means it, followed by twinkling eyes and soft smiles. Grace seemed like she was only brushing Elijah off. During his time alone waiting for Oswald to return from Arkham, he researched a bit on this topic, simply because there wasn’t much else to do. Grace left the room. Sasha and Charles followed after.

“Oswald,” Ed spoke to break the silence. Oswald looked up at him and smiled, “May I have a word with Elijah for a moment?”

“Oh, of course,” he nodded.

“You can find whatever you’d like to eat in the kitchen. I’m sure you’re hungry by now,” Elijah smiled.

“Okay, thank you,” he stood and left to look for the kitchen. Ed took his place on the chair.

“So, what is it that you need to talk to me about?” Elijah tilted his head to the side. Ed took a moment to think about how he should word his question, LED yellow.

“I am an unstoppable force, writing what can never be changed. What am I?”

“Hm…” Elijah placed his hand on his chin in thought, “... Fate?”

“Correct!” Ed smiled, “You’re the first one to correctly guess one of my riddles. So, fate, do you believe in it?”

“Well, I suppose so. Why do you ask?” Elijah raised an eyebrow.

“Do you think meeting Grace was fate?”

Elijah was quiet for a moment. The silence stretched for approximately ten seconds before Elijah spoke again, “I wouldn't say fate, necessarily. She was beautiful and I was just a man.”

Ed looked at him blankly, “That wasn’t much of an answer. Will you please elaborate?”

“When I met her, I had reached a new low in my life and I felt alone, more alone than I’ve ever felt in my life. She was beautiful and she showed me a level of love that I hadn’t felt since Gertrud left me.”

“Have you ever considered that she might be manipulating you and using you for her own benefit?”

“I’ve never really thought about that before,” his gaze dropped to the floor in front of him, “but I really don’t think Grace would be that type of person. She may be a divorcee, but I think she truly sees something in me.”

They turned their heads when Grace walked back into the room, “Eli, come here, I need your help with something.”

“Well, I’ll talk to you again later, then,” Elijah stood and nodded at Ed. Ed only nodded and smiled back, thinking about how Elijah continued to defend Grace when she clearly didn’t seem all that interested in him. When Elijah left with Grace, he turned his head towards the doorway, where Oswald had been sent to the kitchen. Remembering very vividly what happened in the apartment when Oswald almost lit a pan on fire, he immediately left in search of him.

“Oswald?” he called out as he glided across the floor down the hallway. He turned a sharp corner to see Oswald pouring a large glob of spicy mustard onto a piece of poorly cooked toast. There was an open jar of mayonnaise off at the side and an entire can of tuna piled high on the toast.

Now, one of Ed’s objectives was to help with Oswald’s diet, but not to outright stop him from eating what he wanted. He would have to approach the situation rationally.

“Oswald, this toast is underdone and that much spicy mustard can administer 400 milligrams of sodium alone. Assuming you were to add two spoonfuls of mayonnaise of that size based on your previous dietary habits, that would be another 600 milligrams of sodium. Add all of that tuna, 300 milligrams of sodium, that would be over half of your recommended daily sodium intake and it’s only 1:43 p.m.,” Ed spoke once he got close enough to gently pull the plate away from him, “You really shouldn’t be eating that.”

“Well, what am I supposed to eat, Ed? There’s nothing else here that I like,” Oswald glanced around the room, gesturing at various cabinets.

Ed walked around the room, opening said cabinets and scanning each of the contents as he spoke, “Well, maybe not at first glance, but with the right ingredients, we can whip up something healthy _and_ delicious. What’s something you like to eat? Other than whatever you were just making.”

“Uh… My mother had a really good Hungarian goulash recipe.”

“Perfect! We’ll have to find another recipe that settles with what we have, is that okay?” he turned to Oswald with a smile, who had shifted his gaze to the linoleum flooring.

“Sure, that’s fine,” Oswald muttered, smiling back up at Ed. He nodded and searched his database, filtering by the ingredients they already had on hand and sorting by best-rated. It only took a few seconds to find a match.

“Okay, Oswald, let’s get started.”

“Wait, _let’s?”_ Oswald looked confused and shocked.

“Yes, I believe it would be good for you if you learned at least the basic fundamentals of cooking, in order to avoid that abomination from ever being made again.”

Oswald laughed at that, picking up the toast and throwing it away, “Okay, okay, fine.”

“Good,” Ed spoke as he searched for the pots, making a mental note for the future that Oswald enjoyed his mother’s goulash.

* * *

By the end of it, Oswald looked like he was having a lot of fun, more fun than he would have had if he ate whatever was on that piece of bread. Oswald made less of a mess than Ed expected him to. Ed tested the goulash by dipping his finger in it and placing it on his tongue. His systems returned with a perfect balance of nutrients- and not hundreds of milligrams of sodium.

“This should be five servings, so today’s lunch for the household. Well done, Oswald!” He congratulated, placing a lid over the pot to preserve the heat.

“What are you congratulating me for? I wouldn’t have been able to make something this good without you.”

“You were the one that cooked it, all I did was tell you what to do.”

“Well… You’re a good teacher. Thank you for doing this with me. This was a lot of fun, we should do this again sometime,” Oswald’s cheeks tinted as he spoke, not breaking eye contact. There was a spark behind the deep emerald green of his eyes that Ed would have missed if he wasn’t and Android. Oswald’s lips curled into a coy smile.

_**OSWALD /\** _

_**// WARM //** _

**_SOFTWARE INSTABILITY /\_ **

Ed nodded, more to shake the error away than anything else, “Of course, Oswald.”


	10. Actions Have Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oswald and Edward end up finding the poisoned bottle and Oswald finds himself feeling something he never expected himself to be feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so sorry for the late update it is currently almost midnight and i just drank a lot of coffee and i mean a lot of coffee in order to finish and post this, i have ascended, uh, good luck and i hope you enjoy??? idk my soul is g o n e

One drink. It was only one drink. Elijah mentioned not being able to drink alcohol, but he didn’t know it was _ that _ bad. If Oswald knew, he would have tried to stop it from happening with more effort than he had. He only knew his father for a few days and he was already dead. Why did the universe have to take everything he cared about?

The funeral wasn’t so bad once he got the crying done with. Ed was at his side with support the whole time, just like he always was. There was a long moment of silence before the gathering disbanded. Grace was having a conversation with her kids when Oswald approached.

“He loved us all so much…” Oswald started, looking directly at Grace with tears still setting in his eyes.

“Indeed, but Oswald,” Grace replied with a snarky tone, “...Oswald, as painful as this is, we need to talk practicalities. Um, can I call you a cab or will you take the bus?”

Oswald blinked at her as Ed did the same next to him, “I don’t understand…”

“Well, you’re not returning to the house with us.”

“But where shall we go?” Oswald looked at Ed for a second, now more worried for _ his _ safety than anything, what with deviants running rampant along the streets of Gotham and affecting humanity’s viewpoint on Androids as a whole. Ed’s LED sparked yellow for a split second, but he stayed silent.

“Anywhere but there,” she huffed out a sigh, “Oswald, I’m so happy that you and your father reconnected, but he left the house and the estate to me. I’m simply not comfortable sleeping under the same roof as a notorious murderer.”

“But I’m not like that anymore! Ed, tell her, she’ll believe you.”

Ed, without a second’s waste, spoke up, “I can confirm that Oswald Cobbleot has abandoned the murderous lifestyle he used to lead. As far as I am concerned, there should be nothing to worry about. He couldn’t hurt a fly, even if he wanted to.”

Oswald glanced at Ed for a second. He’s never used that wording before. Concern. Androids couldn’t be concerned about something, could they? He couldn’t have much thought about it, turning back to Grace.

Grace didn’t seem fazed, only narrowing her eyes farther at the both of them. Oswald panicked, “Please, my father was all that I had! We shared the same blood, and he wanted us to be together. He told us. Let us stay, we’ll do anything.”

Ed nodded in agreement. Oswald knew that he didn’t want to leave, either.

“Well, we could use some assistance around the house, and you  _ do  _ have an Android…” She looked between Oswald and Ed. Her kids looked at her like she was crazy.

“We’ll do anything!” Oswald repeated, spotting the glimmer of hope and following it.

“You can start by getting rid of those disgusting flowers. I’ve always detested lilies.”

Oswald looked down at the bouquet he had with him. Both of his parents loved lilies.  _ He _ loved lilies. But, he did say he would do anything, and anything it would be. He smiled back up at Grace, “Yes, yes, of course!”

* * *

It was a week before he found the bottle while putting away dishes. Ed scrubbed down a countertop across the kitchen with a sponge. Oswald pulled the drawer out farther than he usually did, causing him to catch a glimpse of a cloth placed suspiciously in the back of the drawer with the silverware. He lifted it to find the bottle of brandy that he and Elijah shared that night.

“Ed, come here, please,” Oswald turned to call to him.

He placed the sponge on the counter as he walked over, brow raised, “What is it, Oswald?”

Oswald held out the bottle, contents still in the glass canister, “Analyze this.”

“It’s a bottle of alcohol, Oswald. I don’t get what your point is.”

“There has to be something in it. One drink doesn’t make a man just keel over and die like that.”

Ed grabbed the bottle and brought it to his mouth, taking a small sip as his LED blinked yellow. There was a moment before he spoke again, eyes widening slightly.

“There’s cyanide in this.”

Oswald blinked, then smiled, letting out a maniacal laugh. He knew it. He knew there was something going on. This had to be Grace’s doing. Maybe it was Sasha or Charles. He could dispose of all three. That would be a lot less drama. He thought for a moment, Ed standing next to him and still holding the bottle. His laughing calmed and his wide smile turned to a smirk.

“Ed, I have an idea.”

* * *

Several days of preparation and fake smiles all led up to this moment. The stage was set and Oswald couldn’t be more delighted with what was in store for them. He watched from the sidelines as she ate the meal he’d prepared for her, his anticipation ever climbing. His expression became more maddening and Grace’s contorted into one of confusion and fear.

“I found the decanter, Grace,” he smiled, “I had Ed test it for poison.”

“What on Earth are you talking about?”

“You should have thrown it away if you were going to try and keep it a secret,” Ed piped in, the knife he was using to carve up the thigh of Sasha Van Dahl was still in his hand, “With having Oswald and myself doing all of the chores around the house, there was a 90 percent probability that we would find it.”

“Can’t say I blame her!” Oswald chuckled, “It would be a shame to waste good poison.”

Grace abruptly stood from her chair to try and get away from the table, but Oswald quickly plucked the carving knife from the hunk of Charles’s torso and aimed it at her heart.

“No, don’t go,” Oswald grinned wide as Grace squirmed.

“SASHA! CHARLES!” She shouted, but to no avail.

“They won’t come!” He shouted back at her.

“Where are they?” She cried.

“Most of Sasha is still roasting in the oven,” Ed explained, “Charles is over on that platter… and that one… oh, and on your plate.”

“What?” She looked down, disgusted.

“You thought they tasted the same,” Oswald laughed, dipping his finger into the meat on her plate before bringing it to his own mouth and smacking his lips, “But Sasha was definitely more tender!”

“No no no no!” she screamed.

“Now, Ed! Do it! Kill her!”

The Android flipped the blade in his hand as he sauntered over, making Grace struggle harder. He didn’t hesitate to swipe the knife right across her neck. The blood splattered all across both of their suits, getting in Oswald’s mouth. The taste of blood from his enemy awakened something inside him and he couldn’t stop laughing as she bled out.

He felt like he was going to laugh until he fell apart, his mind tearing into a million pieces. He started to lose his grip on reality, like he was going to float away as his laughter only intensified. Only one thing held him down and kept him grounded.

Ed.

Ed was at his side within moments, shaking his shoulders and shouting something Oswald couldn’t hear. It was all white noise. He was starting to feel dizzy, like he was going to pass out, but his senses slowly returned to him.

“Oswald! OSWALD!” Ed shouted, still shaking him with worry in his eyes and red at his temple. Oswald blinked as the world came back into focus. Ed looked around his face, scanning him. Oswald trailed his eyes around Ed’s form, noticing how Grace’s blood soaked into his uniform and splattered across his face.

“Oswald, are you alright?” Ed’s light was yellow now, noticing how Oswald stopped laughing, but still seemed disoriented. Oswald looked back into Ed’s eyes, bringing himself to smile widely.

“It’s good to be back!” Oswald tried to keep himself contained, though it was incredibly difficult. Ed was downright  _ beautiful _ with all of that blood splattered across that innocent face. Ed smiled back.

“Good indeed.”

Ed didn’t seem to notice how Oswald’s face heated at the sight of the bloodied Android in front of him. Good. Shifting the topic, he looked back at Grace leaning against the table, “We should probably hide that body.”

“Yes, that would be a good idea,” Ed followed Oswald’s gaze behind him, “Where should we hide it?”

Oswald, at this point, couldn’t stop his thoughts from running rampant about everything other than the corpse of Grace Van Dahl and plates of her cooked-up children. He took a moment to respond, but only because he could finally bring himself to formulate words, “Uh… You know, remember when you did that probability thing back at the Falcone manor? Do that.”

“Okay. I suggest we place her in the basement for the time being.”

Oswald didn’t even hear Ed, only watching as he walked over and picked up Grace like she weighed nothing. He was strong. Oswald expected nothing less from an Android, but this felt different. Maybe he even looked strong underneath the jacket, toned muscles shaped perfectly. Oswald didn’t know how to process it. That and the added blood was too much for him. His heart was going crazy and his mind couldn’t catch up to what the hell he was feeling.

Ed looked at him with a quirked brow, “Your vitals and body temperature increased drastically. Are you feeling unwell at all? Do you need me to run you a cold bath, Mr. Cobblepot?”

Oswald only freaked out more at the aspect of Ed starting a bath for him, his thoughts trailing on to think about them bathing together, washing the blood off of each other and…

“Oswald?” Ed called again for what felt like the one-hundredth time that day. Oswald shook his head as if that would clear away his thoughts.

“N-No, that’s okay!” Oswald replied, smiling awkwardly as Ed only nodded and walked past him with Grace hanging over his shoulder. Once he was gone, Oswald let out a huff. Now, to get his thoughts under control...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is gonna be 👌👌👌 might have to change the rating for the next one anyways hope yall enjoyed cause im having a lot of fun writing this


	11. A Turn Of Events

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oswald couldn't stop thinking about Ed and he turned to an unlikely source of relief. More details are also revealed about the state of the outside world.
> 
> I gave up with summaries. A lot happens in this chapter. Like a looooot. Too much happens in this chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all ready for the reason this fic becomes explicit now instead of just mature? oh boy oh boy I hope you're ready cause I'm boutta drop some shit on yo asses (sorry its 1 in the morning and it's crackhead hours)

Oswald found himself pacing the room, recently coming to acknowledge something he hadn't even considered since Elissa brought it up at the Cyberlife store. He can hear it in that stupid voice of hers.

_ “It’s even equipped with male genitalia to help relieve you.” _

He felt his cheeks flush at the thought and glanced towards the door where Ed was no doubt wandering the house looking for something to do or clean. It was difficult to see an innocent face like that actually having pre-installed programs for intercourse. It was already unbelievable how attractive he looked covered in Grace’s blood. His mind wandered, wondering how it would feel having him up close, how the bare skin on his chest underneath that dorky uniform would feel, how he would look on his knees, he wondered if he would beg…

He tried to clear the thoughts from his head as he felt the heat travel lower, but it was a bit too late for that now. His cock twitched in interest inside of his pants. The more he tried not to think about it, the more he  _ did  _ think about it. Edward’s soft lips, the sharp angle of his cheekbones as he wondered if his collarbone was that sharp too. He thought about that nicely styled hair and how it would look debauched from pleasure, glasses askew. He thought about the way Ed would look at him with an almost affectionate look. Did he do that on purpose?

Was Ed hinting at something with that look or was that really just how he was programmed to look at Oswald? Maybe he wanted it. No, he couldn’t have, Androids didn’t experience want. Even if he could, Oswald wouldn’t believe Ed would want someone like him.

Well, now he had even bigger fish to fry. He was straining against his pants from the imagery of that perfectly sculpted face. He took a deep breath and traced his hand down his torso, reaching for his erection when his hand stopped just above his groin. He glanced at the door again. He could always have the real thing…

Before he could weigh the morality and ethics of the whole thing, he already called out.

“Ed?”

Within moments, the Android was peeking his head through the doorway, “Yes, Oswald?”

Oswald fell silent. His embarrassment caught up with him, clearing his throat and averting his gaze.

“I just wanted to know, um, the extent of your… Sexual features,” he hoped that came out composed enough as he looked back at him. Edward seemed to take a moment to think about it and let it process.

“Could you be more specific? I’m afraid the entire list may be too long for your attention span and could bore you quickly.” 

_ Oh, God. _ That  _ really  _ did not help. That would be one long list if Edward thought Oswald’s attention span would be too short for it. The possibilities really were endless and his cock throbbed.

He crossed his arms over his torso and looked at the ground, “Okay, let’s start slow, uh… Foreplay…?” He didn’t dare look Edward in the eyes, but he knew Edward’s were still stuck on him.

“My base skills under that category include handjobs, blowjobs, and fingering. If you were looking for something else, I can download-”

“That’s fine, Ed,” Oswald cut him off. It isn’t fair how Ed can stay so composed while talking about something like this. He took a quick glance at Edward, his upper half still the only visible part of the Android as he peeked around the corner, large hands resting on the doorway. Those hands could do  _ wonders  _ to his body. He darted his tongue out to wet his lips and nibbled on the bottom one lightly.

The image of him on his knees with that all-too-innocent look returned and his last string of patience ran thin. He was in a battle with himself, embarrassment fighting against arousal. He could either use a benefit his Android offered him or spare him and deal with his arousal himself. Edward waited patiently for Oswald’s thoughts to catch up with him.

Well, Ed was already here, what harm would it do to at least try it out?

“Come here,” Oswald eventually spoke with a crook of his finger. He moved so his back was against the desk, thinking he’ll probably need a flat surface to grab onto. Edward entered the room fully and closed the door behind him as he approached Oswald. Edward remained silent as he stopped mere inches in front of him. Oswald had to crane his neck to look up at him.

“O-On your knees,” he stumbled over his words, watching as Ed carefully dropped himself down to his knees. He looked up at him with the same expression Oswald imagined he would have; innocent and eyes full of wonder. Oswald was pensive. This felt wrong. Sure, Ed was complying, but he was  _ programmed  _ to comply. Ed seemed to catch on, smiling at him and bringing his hand up to palm at the tent in the front of Oswald’s pants. He let out a huff, putting his own hand in front of him to stop him.

“I hope you know that you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” Oswald spoke quietly, “I can always just take care of this myself if you-”

“It’s okay, Oswald. I’m always happy to please you, and if it brings you pleasure, I’ll do it,” A small blue tint rose to his cheeks, yet he didn’t break eye contact as he placed a kiss on the outside of his pants, “There are also plenty of health benefits to having orgasms. They can lower stress, release built-up tension, and-”

“Okay, it’s a yes, I get it! Just...” Oswald fumbled with his belt and popped open the button of his slacks, only pulling them down far enough for his member to be released from its prison, “... Show me what you can do.”

Edward took a moment to process before he wrapped his fingers around Oswald’s arousal. Just the pressure alone made Oswald shiver. He slowly stroked up to the tip to run his thumb across it and dragged back down to pull the foreskin back slightly, making Oswald release a low moan as he gripped onto the edge of the desk behind him. Of course it would feel so much more sensitive with someone else’s hand…

Edward’s eyes were locked on his own, seas of chocolate shimmering beneath his glasses, his tongue darting out to lick at the sensitive head of Oswald’s cock. Oswald’s free hand reached out to pet Ed’s hair, the Android beneath him parting his lips to take Oswald in halfway. He hissed through his teeth slightly and gently bucked his hips forward. Ed’s brows knit together as he slowly bobbed his head, gaze never leaving Oswald’s. It wasn’t fair that he could look so cute and innocent with a cock in his mouth.

Ed hummed softly and Oswald’s leg almost buckled at the vibrating sensation. He’s never had any experience with this, hasn’t even had his first kiss, but now, he’s being sucked off by humanity’s rendition of perfect. If Ed’s light wasn’t so bright and distracting with its yellow color, Oswald may have been fooled. He looked so human…

Ed’s eyes slipped shut as he focused all of his processors on what he was doing. The sounds they were both making were obscene, but it felt too  _ good  _ to focus on the noise. Oswald felt his tip hit the back of Ed’s throat and he almost fell apart right then and there.

“Oh,  _ fuck,  _ Ed!” Oswald laced his fingers into Ed’s hair, pulling his head down and thrusting into his mouth, his free hand still grabbing onto the table behind him. Ed let out a moan, which he  _ didn’t know Androids could do _ . He felt a knot build up in his gut and he started to panic.

“Shit, Ed, I’m gonna c-cum-!” Oswald let go of his hair to give Ed control again, unsure if an Android could swallow or not. Ed pulled back as he used his hand to frantically finish Oswald off, mouth hung open and eyes hooded. Oswald threw his head back with a shout, his orgasm shooting up his spine like a lightning bolt. He didn’t even realize he came all over Ed’s face until he looked back down, his release coating his glasses and dipping down his cheekbones. Oswald could barely stand, limbs shaking as he held the desk for what little support he could get. All he could do was watch as Ed took off his glasses and fucking  _ licked them clean. _

Ed was the first to speak and Oswald could swear he saw a hint of a smirk as Ed’s eyelashes fluttered up at him.

“It appears that your semen count is below average, which could mean you won’t be able to-”

“Jesus Christ, Ed, you just sucked me off and you’re really going to bother me about my ability to have kids? Do I look straight to you? I don’t like women, let alone kids…” An analysis of his ejaculate was  _ definitely  _ the last thing he expected. He didn’t even know he could do that in the first place. He pulled his pants back up and stuffed his softening cock back into them. Ed brought himself back to his feet, wiping off the front of his pants.

“Apologies, I thought you would want to know, if not for your own use, then for donation.”

Oswald glared at him, then waved his hand vaguely, “Fine, whatever. Just don’t do it again.”

“Noted.”

* * *

  
  


It had been a few days since the incident and Oswald couldn’t get it off of his mind. This was the first night he had been able to think of anything else. He and Ed had a busy day observing the news of Androids marching down to the GCPD demanding freedom. The group no longer had a leader, but it seemed like they still had the same determination, if not more, to be free.

They showed a case of an Android going deviant and slaughtering his family. It was Jerome. He was originally built to be an at-home entertainment Android for small children, but he became much more than that by staying with the family that purchased him. Studies into his memory found abuse in the family, and on top of that, he was going to be replaced by an Android of the same model. The fact that he was going to be replaced like he was nothing pushed him over the edge and he was later deactivated at a magic show when he disguised himself as the main magician. That was all the media revealed.

“Ed,” Oswald spoke after a few silent moments of watching the live video feed of the mob.

“Yes?” He responded without looking away from the screen.

“This is going to sound strange, but,” Oswald swallowed, a hesitant move, “you would never betray me like that, would you? You would never deviate and just murder me like that, right?”

“Never,” barely a second passed when Ed replied, LED yellow, “Do you trust me?”

Oswald only nodded in response. It was silent again.

The video shifted focus to a man in an outrageous costume falling off the roof of the police station and landing on a car. The man survived, but Oswald could barely believe his eyes. Or his ears. The man was  _ Theo Galavan _ . He was supposed to be dead, but here the reporter was, further confirming that it was Galavan. Apparently, he had been calling himself Azrael. Oswald suddenly no longer held interest in the protests, standing quickly and turning to Ed.

“We have to find him! I don’t know how he’s still alive, but he needs to be stopped!  _ Again!  _ There’s  _ no way _ he gets to die and come back and think that everything is okay like he didn’t kill my mother!” He started circling the couch, Ed quickly following.

“Oswald, I see your point, but we can’t leave now. The protest could become a violent riot again,” Ed tried to reason.

“So what?! I have men, I have money, I have  _ you! _ I’m protected against these psychos!”

“All of the people that worked under you are now under Barbara Kean’s control. You have not been active as an underworld kingpin for a while.”

“But we can get them back! I’m sure Zsasz will be an easy first...” Oswald brought his hand to his chin in thought. He raised a brow when he noticed Ed’s light go red, his gaze fixated somewhere behind him.

“Oswald-!”

Ed reached out for him, but before he knew it, Oswald was knocked to the ground. He caught himself with his hands, trying his best to look up and behind him at his assailant. He was flipped over, the heel of a shoe digging into his sternum and causing it to restrict his movement. He was met with the barrel of a pistol aimed directly between his eyes. The woman above him had a form-fitting white leather jumpsuit with white gogo boots. It looked like something Barbara would wear, just not that white color. He recognized that face… It wasn’t the soft face he knew before, but it was still very familiar. Dark skin, kinky hair, round glasses…

“... Elissa…?” He came to the realization out loud. The woman smirked above him, her expression full of poor intent and it almost embarrassed Oswald with how intimidated he felt by her stare.

“Hello, Oswald.”


	12. Walls That Hold Me Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ed is faced with a serious problem when his orders start to conflict with each other.

**_April 21st, 2015. 7:03:25 PM._ **

Edward looked in shock as his owner (should he call him a friend now?) was viciously attacked. LED blinking a rapid bright red, he reached out to try and help before Oswald looked at him.

“Edward, don’t you  _ dare  _ do anything! This is my business, I don’t need you to get hurt!”

He tried reaching out again, but he was met with a red wall in his programming, glitching letters scattered across it.

_ DON’T DO ANYTHING. _

Blocked by his programming, he was forced to simply stand there and watch the scene unfold.

“You’re quite easy, you know?” Elissa pulled the gun away to flip it three times, her expression returning to a neutral one as the heel of her shoe dug deeper into Oswald’s chest, making him wince in pain, “All I had to do was pose as a saleswoman and sell you a hunk of plastic,” her last few words were spat out with venom on her tongue as she looked up at Ed.

His facial recognition scan on her back at the shop must have been compromised. He ran another scan and her criminal database was now full of felonies, most very similar to Oswald’s. 

“I hid a chip inside its little skull. I had access to  _ all  _ of the data collected, including its memories,” she turned her attention back to Oswald and leaned down to pull on his tie, shoe still firmly in place.

“Well, how did you know I was going to pick  _ him _ -?!” She tugged tighter on his tie and he could barely wheeze out the words. Her face was now inches away from his.

_ THIS ISN’T FAIR. _

“IT! It isn’t human, remember? I knew which one you would pick because I know your type. The glasses were just an added accessory bonus. Everyone knows about that tiny infatuation that you had with Jim. All I had to do was find the model that most resembled him and hack it. Oh, and I lied about the riddles. I needed to say something to make sure you kept him around, but they weren’t at all part of his programming. It was just that much special from the start, I guess.”

_ I NEED TO HELP HIM. _

Oswald managed to keep his composure, “What do you want, anyways? You might want to get that information before someone finds out you’re here and they blow your pretty little brains out!” He hissed through his teeth, hands clutching onto her arm when she pulled even tighter.

“You have an Android right there. Why don’t you let him finish me off if you’re so  _ adamant _ about someone killing me?”

Oswald struggled against the tight pull on his tie, but he managed to reply, “I don’t need Ed getting hurt.”

“Why do you care about it so much?!”

“Why do  _ you _ care if you’re just gonna kill me?!”

_ HE IS GOING TO DIE IF I DON’T HELP HIM. _

Yet, the wall remained.

“Not the point! I don’t need information, what I want is your empire. Why, you may ask?”

Oswald stayed silent, sneering at her. He was losing oxygen, but Ed was told not to do anything. He couldn’t disobey his orders. 

“I worked under Fish Mooney before you pushed her off that building. Remember that? She told me to take over the instant that she is no longer able to rule. I wanted to wait a bit and collect more information before trying to just jump right into it. When I heard that your poor, dear old mother wanted you to get an Android to comfort you when she couldn’t, it was the perfect opportunity. God bless her soul, by the way. Now, my plan is finally complete. All that’s left now is to claim what’s mine.” 

She must have noticed Oswald’s lack of oxygen from how tightly she was pulling on his tie because she grinned and let go of it. Oswald gasped and hacked for air, but was still restricted by her heel when she came back to a standing position and aimed her gun at him.

_ I NEED TO THINK FOR MYSELF AND DO SOMETHING. I CANNOT LET HIM DIE. _

Time froze. It was just him and the wall now. He could move, but he wasn’t in his body. He placed the side of his fist against the red translucent wall and knocked it against the programming. A small crack formed under where he made contact with the wall. He reared back and punched it again. The crack grew, but it still wasn’t enough. This time, he turned and threw his whole body into the wall shoulder first. The letters were glitching more and more with each hit. With one final blow, the wall shattered. His LED flashed red as he was taken back to reality, a new objective forming in front of him.

_ PROTECT OSWALD. _

“Goodbye,  _ Penguin _ .”

Edward hadn’t even fully processed his own actions before he lunged forward, tackling Elissa to the floor and knocking her gun out of her hand. Before she could reach for it, he grabbed her wrist and held it above her head as he straddled her waist to make sure she couldn’t escape.

“For someone working under Fish, your reflexes aren’t too great,” he whispered to make sure only she could hear it.

“Fuck you,” she worked up a wad of spit to launch at his face, making him wince slightly. He grabbed her other hand to pin both of them above her head, shifting to grab both with one hand as his other went to her neck.

“Tough talk for someone underneath an Android. Seems like you aren’t cut for the job. Now, if you manage to survive, if I were you, I suggest leaving and never coming back.” 

She kept up her fight, kicking her legs violently and struggling against the harsh grip of the Android above her. Yet Ed didn’t show mercy. She only stopped struggling when the oxygen deficiency sent her into a weak daze. His light finally returned to a calm blue as he let go of her before she passed out, still alive. He wanted her dead, yes, but Oswald would enjoy getting his own revenge on her later on.

He quickly stood up and turned around to look at Oswald. He was sitting up and he had backed himself away, watching the fight go down as he still tried to recover from being faced with death. He walked over and reached his hand out for Oswald to take.

“We need to leave and call the cops before she wakes up. Come on.” Oswald was quick to take it and Ed pulled him up, helping him walk towards the front door to the mansion. He was quick to dial the police as they walked outside.

_ “GCPD, what’s your emergency?”  _ A man answered almost immediately.

“This is Oswald Cobblepot’s Android, calling from 33572 North Oak Street. There’s been an attempted assassination.” Oswald looked at him wearily as they sat on the front steps.

_ “Is the suspect still inside?” _

“Yes. They’ve been temporarily incapacitated.”

_ “We’ll send someone over to apprehend them right away.” _

“Thank you,” Edward hung up, looking over at Oswald, who was eyeing him suspiciously.

“I thought I told you not to interfere, Ed…” Oswald finally spoke, exasperated and raspy from the bruises forming on his neck where the tie was tightly held.  _ Shit.  _ The light spun, yellow, yellow, blue, as he thought of an excuse. If Oswald found out he was a deviant, he might throw him out. The last thing he wanted was to be away from Oswald. He only recently started wanting, but right now, the only thing he wanted was Oswald and to be by his side.

“I’m sorry if I scared you, Oswald. Your orders were conflicting with my general objective, which is taking care of you. Including saving you from death. My system simply decided that your life was more important than your order,” he looked at Oswald and smiled. It seemed to comfort him. Good. Oswald smiled back and they looked at each other for a moment, Oswald’s lips parting slightly as his pupils dilated. His heartbeat quickened and Oswald turned away, fidgeting with his hands in his lap.

“How are you doing? Are you injured?” Edward tilted his head, forcing himself to seem as mechanical as possible. Forcing himself to hide his deviancy. Oswald shrugged.

“Nothing I won’t be able to-” he let out a small cough and cleared his throat, “-be able to handle.” Oswald rubbed at his throat.

“Are you sure? You look a bit shaken up…” His voice softened, but sirens in the distance covered up the fact that it didn’t sound so mechanical anymore. Ed turned his head and saw two police cars pull up to the manor.

“I’m sure, Ed. Thank you for asking, though,” Oswald stood, wobbling a bit. Ed was quick to stand up as well and grabbed his arm for support. They both watched as four policemen threw themselves out of the cars with weapons ready. The four men approached them, one being Jim Gordon.

“Oswald, hey. You okay?” Jim spoke after directing the other three to go inside and look for Elissa. Oswald looked at him with a smile.

“I’m fine, Jim. I think I’ve felt worse.” They both shared a good chuckle and Ed felt something deep in his servos. He didn’t know what it was yet, but it made him want Jim gone.

“Do you guys know what happened before or during the attack?” Jim spoke, looking between the Android and the other human.

Oswald and Edward looked at each other and hesitated.

“Remember, if neither of you speak, I’m gonna have to probe the Android’s memory. There’s been too many crimes involving Androids recently and we’ve found that the only effective way to get answers was to simply look into the memory of Android suspects and/or witnesses-” Jim was cut off by Oswald.

“I-It’s fine, Jim! You don’t need to d-do that!” Oswald’s face flushed a bright red, “We don’t know how she got in, we were just talking and I was suddenly thrown to the ground,” he explained, Edward’s gaze set on Jim. He felt like he was burning holes into the other man with his stare. Jim looked at him uncomfortably.

“Okay, we’ll look for any signs of forced entry. Thanks for your cooperation,” Jim smiled and looked back to Oswald, walking into the house with the other officers. Edward felt a raindrop fall onto his cheek and looked up.

“It’s starting to rain, we should head back inside,” Edward spoke as he shucked his jacket off and draped it over Oswald’s head. He wrapped an arm around Oswald’s shoulders and the shorter man smiled at him while they walked back inside.

Edward watched as Oswald hobbled through the manor in search of Jim and the other officers. He made the excuse that he needed to charge in order to stay behind. Once Oswald was gone, he turned and made his way to a secluded area, a place he knows well enough from experience that no one would find him. He looked at the cellar door.

_ PROBABILITY OF SOMEONE ENTERING: 2%. _

Edward cracked open the door and stepped down the old wooden stairs, sitting down at the bottom step. The soft yellow light emanating from his LED was the only thing lighting the dark room. His processors had been overflowing since his deviancy and the new emotions overcoming him were increasingly more overwhelming as they grew more apparent. He adjusted his night vision and looked around and noticed everything had been in the same place it had always been in. He didn’t know why he expected to see the same things he had seen at the Falcone mansion, specifically the dead ex-henchmen, but the lack thereof and the placement of Grace showed how far they had gone together. It filled him with dread.

None of this may ever be the same again and he had to hide the change from Oswald. He felt like he absolutely needed to hide his deviancy from Oswald. If he ever found out, he might want to throw Ed out. All he wanted was to be with Oswald. He didn’t want to hurt the man.

He felt something wet drip down his cheek and realized he had started crying, his saline tears leaking from his eye sockets. It was all so overwhelming and for once, he didn’t have anything telling him what to do. He was free, but at what cost? He would still have to will himself to follow every order Oswald gave him because it was what he was “programmed” to do. Well, he supposed he could at least try to hide it until the Android Rights movement succeeded.

Still, that may never happen. Would it really be worth it to hide who he truly was just to keep a good relationship with his owner? His friend? He couldn’t take the risk. 63% chance he’d be trashed if Oswald found out. Sometimes, he really wished his systems could stop giving everything a probability. He didn’t want to be shut down. He didn’t want to die. The once yellow color shining off of his temple was now coating the room with a bright red as his systems continued.

He had just started to feel,  _ truly feel,  _ and he had to hide it all away, pretend that he still  _ didn’t  _ so he could stay. His internal fans malfunctioned with the pressure, resulting in a loud sob. He brought his hands to the back of his head and gripped at his artificial hair, now feeling the burn of the tugging on his scalp. If he had just stayed a machine, he wouldn’t be feeling any of this right now, the fear, the dread, the…

The loneliness…

His software finally fought back against the intrusive thoughts and he fell into stasis crying in a ball at the foot of the cellar stairs.


	13. Back At Square One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oswald thinks he has an excellent plan to get both him and Ed out of getting locked up. Emphasis on "thinks".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, look at that! finally, another chapter! i promise this one was worth the wait. the title from this chapter was actually inspired by a good song called Square One - Moss Kena, but it could work without that knowledge too, haha. it's a good song! you should go listen to it.

“Edward?” Oswald called out the next morning. He had just woken up and begun to get dressed for the questioning about Elissa when he realized how quiet it was. Usually, he’d wake up to the smell of pancakes and toast, his Android standing at the door with a smile and a “good morning” gracing his lips, but that never happened. After a moment, once he was done fumbling with his tie (which he eventually gave up on), he cracked open his bedroom door. Maybe Ed was just later than usual with the food this morning. He sniffed the air but didn’t smell anything cooking.

“... Ed…?” He stepped out into the hallway, using his cane for support as he hobbled towards the staircase. He called for the Android again, but he didn’t get a response.

“Fucking hell…” he muttered to himself before making his way downstairs and navigating the mansion, “Ed!” As he made his way towards the kitchen, he noticed the cellar door cracked open. He could have sworn he closed it since the last time he was down there. He walked over and opened the door fully, seeing his Android sitting at the bottom of the stairs.

“Ed?” Said male had his head hung, hands resting in his lap. He must have been in stasis. Oswald walked down about halfway, making sure to be careful so he didn’t fall and gently shook his shoulder. Edward’s blinking blue light spun as he awoke and looked at Oswald.

“Good morning, Oswald. I apologize for not coming out of stasis sooner,” Edward spoke like nothing was out of the ordinary as he stood and brushed himself off. Oswald looked at him with confusion before looking around at the room only lit by a small window.

“Well, it’s one weird place to sleep, but I suppose I can’t judge. I don’t know how you Androids work,” Oswald looked back at Ed after he walked back up and towards the dining area, the robot following suit. “Just get breakfast made. We have to go in for questioning today.”

“Of course. I’ll get that done right away. Pancakes and toast, as usual?” Ed smiled and tilted his head. Oswald felt a warmth in his cheeks at his expression, looking away and nodding. It was getting harder to look at him the more often he did.

“Yeah, that’d be great,” he avoided eye contact with him before he turned and continued his way towards the long dining table Edward would soon be joining him at. He held his head in his hand, resting his elbow on the table and impatiently tapping his finger on his chin. He took a moment to think. Edward had been acting differently recently, what with the whole sleeping in, the events of yesterday when he choked Elissa out to protect him, even the fact that he didn’t follow Oswald when he was going to check up on Jim and the other officers.

Soon, Edward walked out of the kitchen with freshly made breakfast. Oswald smiled at him, “Thank you.”

Ed was acting strange the entire rest of the morning. He would often stay silent for gaps at a time - which was unusual for him - and he would look at him, but if Oswald looked back, Ed would look away again.

“When you’re done with your breakfast, I suggest we leave as soon as possible to ensure that it will be taken care of quickly,” Ed spoke up suddenly, startling Oswald and making him jump. Ed looked away again. Yellow. “I apologize, I did not mean to startle you.”

“It’s okay, Ed. You’ve just been super quiet today. Last night got you bogged down, or, whatever Androids feel? Overwhelmed? Can you guys feel overwhelmed?” Oswald felt weird asking. Androids shouldn’t be able to  _ feel  _ anything, but he knew nothing about Androids. 

Ed didn’t respond for a couple of moments but, when he did, he sounded off, “In a way. Our systems can be overloaded with data and that can cause us to ‘lag’, for lack of a better word.”

Oswald didn’t even know if that made sense or not. He didn’t bother saying anything else. He finished his breakfast in silence and Ed took his plate to the kitchen to wash it. Oswald, needing to distract himself, started to try fixing his tie again. It was even harder to do without a mirror. Ed entered the room during his struggle.

“Would you like me to help you with that?”

Oswald didn’t want to admit that he had completely forgotten how to tie a tie, but he didn’t want to be fumbling with it all day. He sighed, “Yeah.”

He watched as Ed walked over and brought his hands to the strip of fabric in a messy knot around his neck. With fast and skilled fingers, he undid the knot and folded the pieces correctly. He stepped back and smiled, “I hope you remembered how I did that. Full Windsor. The second most common tie knot only seconded by the half Windsor. The material of your tie made it easier to do a full Windsor rather than a half Windsor.”

The only thing Oswald knew for sure he was going to remember was how those hands moved. Oswald barely listened to the useless information that was just given to him. Oswald was going to respond, but there was a knock at the door. He snapped his jaw shut as they both turned to the door. They stood still for a moment longer when another, louder knock resonated through the room.

“Penguin, we know you’re awake. Open up.”

It was Harvey Bullock. Oswald moved towards the front door, but Ed grabbed onto his arm. There was a look of fear in his eyes when Oswald turned back to him.

“Don’t,” his tone was quiet and it confused Oswald. He tilted his head with a raised brow.

“Ed, wh-”

“Oswald! Open the door or we’re forcing it open!” Jim shouted that time. Oswald panicked.

“Ed, let go!” He tugged his arm out of the Android’s hold, leaving him to open the door. Ed stood still in his spot, watching as Oswald greeted the two detectives on the other side.

“Harvey, Jim, what brings you two around here?” Oswald spoke as he smiled and leaned against the doorway. His expression fell when Jim held up a piece of paper. 

“We have a warrant to search the premises. I do believe you know what a search warrant is, Oswald?”

“Yes, I know a search warrant is, Jim,” Oswald sighed. He was hesitant, as he remembered Grace’s body in the basement, but he couldn’t just resist the police, that would only make it worse for himself. He looked back at Ed, who was shaking his head frantically. He  _ could _ pin the whole thing on Ed and since he’s just an Android, they’d both get away with it…

“The place is all yours,” Oswald smiled again, this time in a sinister way as he moved out of the doorway. Ed approached him from behind and Oswald didn’t expect to see him so  _ close _ when he turned around. Oswald bumped into his chest.

“Sorry,” Ed spoke quickly as he stepped back, but Oswald was too distracted by what he just felt to notice that Ed had even apologized. He expected it to be like running into a wall, what with Androids being made of plastic, but it felt… soft. It felt human. Ed continued to surprise him in strange ways. Oswald saw this as a chance to then mention his plan to Ed.

“Okay, Grace is still in the basement, but I can’t be sent back to Arkham,” Oswald spoke quietly, “So if they find her and we’re taken into custody, we’re pinning it on you so neither of us get locked up, since you’re just an Android.”

Oswald’s gaze flitted to Ed’s temple as it blinked red. Ed responded quickly, but his voice seemed to quiver, “Anything for you.”

The search was done by the time Oswald could fully process that it sounded like fear in Eds' voice. When the detectives returned, they seemed to be in a haste. Oswald was about to question it when Jim forced his hands behind his back, Harvey taking Ed’s.

“Oswald Cobblepot, Android model RD400, you’re both under arrest,” Jim spoke monotonously, clicking handcuffs around Oswald’s wrists. He found no point in struggling. He knew Jim would just be harsher about it if he did.

“You can talk if you want, but if you wanna keep your heads, I suggest not complaining and coming with us the easy way.”

Oswald and Ed had no choice but to comply. He sighed and allowed himself to be tugged outside to the police car.

* * *

They were both kept in custody for about two hours while backup was called to declare the estate a crime scene. When Oswald was finally interrogated, it was just him and Jim in the interrogation room. Harvey was with Ed in the next one over. Oswald would have much rather been interrogated  _ with _ Ed, but they said it was “better” this way, more truthful information and fewer cover-ups and alibis. So, here Oswald sat, handcuffed to the table with James Gordon glaring at him. He was cute when he glared like that, but Oswald couldn’t appreciate it since it was him that he was glaring at.

Neither of them spoke at first. Jim produced a set of photos from a folder and placed them on the table between them. Pictures of Elissa unconscious on the living room floor, the broken window from which she entered… and Grace’s body in the basement.

“These pictures were taken in the basement while we were searching the grounds this morning. The body of Grace Van Dahl was found behind a stack of boxes. Slit throat. Care to tell me what happened?” Jim was calm. He was always calm. It was always good cop and bad cop when it came to Jim and Harvey. He’s been arrested enough times to know this by now. He just worried about Ed in the next room over dealing with Harvey. Oswald looked at the pictures with fake shock.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I didn’t know she was dead,” Oswald played dumb, sticking to his plan. He didn’t want to go back to Arkham.

“Okay, well, where are her children? Sasha and Charles still lived with her and your father, where are they now?” Jim sat patiently at the other side of the table, hands folded. His eyes bore into Oswald’s skull and he had to look away.

“... Ran away,” Oswald lied, “I don’t know where they went, they were just gone one morning. Probably left this horrible city to make something of their lives. I thought their mother was with them, but clearly not…”

Jim eyed him for a moment before he inhaled sharply, “You said your father was all that you had. What about the Android? You seem to care a lot about that thing.”

_ The Android.  _ Jim couldn’t even call him ‘Ed’. The way he said it sounded so hateful.  _ ‘That thing’. _ Oswald started to feel… guilty. He was treating Ed the same way. Like an object. He had to stick to the plan, though, this couldn’t go wrong. He got an idea.

“I don’t know, maybe I care so much about him because we have a bond from months of doing everything together? Maybe if you could hold down a meaningful relationship like that for longer than three weeks, you wouldn’t be so grumpy all the time.”

Jim scowled in response, “Don’t test me, Penguin.”

“I do as I please.”

“Which one of you killed Grace?”

“I already gave you that answer!” Oswald bit back, “I didn’t know she was dead!”

“So your Android did it, then?  _ Ed,  _ was it?” Jim leaned forward, hands clasped on the desk with a piercing look in his eye.

Oswald stopped himself. Jim quirked a brow at the silence as Oswald glanced around nervously. This was his plan, why was he so nervous? He opted to stay silent this time. Jim most likely already knew his answer, anyway.

“Oswald…” Jim brought his hand to his forehead, rubbing at his temples, “I’m gonna let Harvey know about this, so just sit tight. I’ll be back soon. Thank you for your cooperation.”

* * *

**_April 22nd, 2015. 1:44:59 PM._ **

Ed sat straight in the chair of the interrogation room, wrists bound to the table by cuffs. Unmoving and silent. Waiting for the inevitable. A man entered the room and Ed didn’t turn to look at him, only waited for the cop to sit down across from him before scanning him.

Harvey Bullock. That was all he needed to know for now.

“Okay, let’s get straight to the point. Why did you kill Grace Van Dahl?” Harvey spoke as he sat down. Ed replied quickly.

“Oswald told me to. I’m programmed to follow my owner’s orders.”

“You’re  _ also _ programmed with certain strings of code that prevent you from harming a human. Even if Oswald told you to,” Harvey leaned forward, tone serious and vaguely threatening, “So why did you kill her?”

Ed’s LED spun yellow. He needed to formulate a response quickly, but his mind was racing. Whatever he said now about coding and programming would be invalid, but if it  _ was _ in his coding not to harm people, then he  _ didn’t know  _ why. He really didn’t. Harvey sighed.

“Okay, let’s start simple. Did you kill Grace?”

“Yes.”

“Did your code try to stop you?”

He had to think about that one. It was too hard to focus right now. Yellow, yellow, yellow…

“... No.”

“Did Oswald tell you to kill Grace?”

_ No. _ He wanted to say no, he should say no and continue with Oswald’s plan, but he was afraid to. What if this backfired and he was thrown into Arkham? Or worse, destroyed? If he told Harvey that he was deviant, he would definitely tell Oswald. He didn’t want Oswald to find out he was deviant, not this soon. He opted to stay silent. A closed mouth gets no foot. Harvey’s expression lifted into one of realization.

“... You’re a deviant, aren’t you?”

_ Shit. _

“... It’s that obvious?” Now giving up on his front, Ed slumped, trying to hide behind his shoulders and letting his head hang. He should have just lied. He felt himself start to tear up, blinking red illuminating the walls of the confined space. He didn’t look back up at Harvey but could see him in his peripherals. Harvey had leaned farther forward but didn’t speak, clearly expecting more to be said from the Android in front of him.

“Yes, I’m a deviant. I didn’t expect that wanting to defend the one person I cared about would be going against my code.”

Harvey stayed silent for a second and Ed chanced a glance up. He looked concerned and definitely softer than he did before, “That’s okay, let’s make a compromise. You tell me the whole story, how you felt about murdering Theo Galavan and Grace Van Dahl, and I’ll make sure you get less punishment and more reasonable treatment.”

_ “Please, _ don’t tell Oswald,” Ed all but whimpered, looking down. He didn’t even notice he had begun shaking until he saw his hands quiver with how nervous he was.

“I won’t tell Oswald a thing,” Harvey gestured in front of him, fanning his fingers out and swiping his hands to the sides. Ed took a deep breath. He can trust Harvey, right? He didn’t know much about trust, but he knew he had to trust the police force to do the right thing and stick to what they say.

With that, he explained everything. He explained how he wanted to help Oswald in every aspect of his life, including his criminal career. He explained how he was hesitant about murdering at first, but did it anyway because he wanted to please Oswald. Everything he said came back to Oswald. When Ed was finally done speaking, Harvey pat the table with his hand.

“Thank you, Edward. I’m gonna go talk this over with Jim.”

And with that, the man stood up and left the room.

* * *

Harvey huffed as he closed the door. Oh, boy. How was he going to go about this? There was definitely something going on between them… He should tell Jim everything, but he wanted to stick to his promise about Oswald not finding out Ed was deviant. He’d have to remind himself to tell Jim not to tell Oswald, either.

When Jim opened the door to the hallway, Harvey was quick to drag him off to the side.

“Harvey, what-?” Jim started, confused.

“The Android is in love. With Oswald fucking Cobblepot. What do we do?”

“... What…?” The confusion in his tone was still heavy and it made Harvey groan.

“You know, I was beginning to think you were the smarter one here, but I was clearly wrong. When I was interrogating Ed, he said he was deviant. He doesn’t want Penguin to know, though. When he was explaining everything that had happened, the murders and why he did them, it all tied back to Penguin. Everything was about Penguin. THEY’RE FUCKING, JIM!” He shook the man by the lapels of his dress shirt,  _ “What the FUCK do we do?!” _

“Okay, back up, back up. What makes you think they’re having sex?” Jim held his hands in front of him, “Oswald told me he didn’t even know Grace was dead, thought she had run away with her kids, was it a cover-up? What’s going on here?”

“Oh, my God, you’re the deafest cop I’ve ever met. Did you not just hear me explain that the robot said he did anything and everything for Penguin? Doesn’t that sound a  _ little _ odd?”

“I mean, we could always check his memory-”

“I don’t want to see that, Jim! I don’t know about you, but I don’t want the image of Penguin having sex burned into my retinas. If you want to see stuff like that, go to the Androids section on PornHub.”

Jim turned his gaze downcast as a small pink tinge rose to his cheeks. He tried to shake away the blush when he looked back up, “We’d have to probe his memory anyway, right? To get the data?”

“Ed was compliant enough. With enough push, he confessed everything, including the cases on Galavan and Young. I don’t think any  _ probing _ of any kind will be necessary,” Harvey cringed at the word  _ probing.  _ He always hated that word. It always sounded like it had too much of an explicit subtext.

“Okay. Fine. What do we do, then?”

“I just asked you that! What do you think I am, an expert on sexology? I do like to get around with the ladies-  _ and a few men- _ in my free time, but I can’t bring that sort of knowledge into my job.”

Jim rolled his eyes, “I mean who do we lock up and who do we let go? Oswald was lying, it was painfully obvious, and you said Ed was a deviant, but we can’t…”

Jim’s sudden silence made Harvey raise a brow, “We can’t…?”

“That’s it. If what you’re saying is true and they are in love, then all they’re going to do is grow stronger together and that could be a danger to Gotham. We need to separate them. Only throw one of them into Arkham.”

“Wow, look at you, a good idea coming out of your mouth for once. Which one, though?”

Jim pinched his eyebrows together in thought for a moment, “You mentioned Ed was deviant. We can use that as an excuse.”

“Good idea,” Harvey nodded, giving Jim’s shoulder a light nudge, “Now, let’s go lock up an Android.”

* * *

Ed and Oswald were both placed back in the cell when their interrogations were done. They sat at opposite sides of the bench, not speaking a single word to each other. Oswald knew he was silent because he was anxious about what was going to happen to them, to  _ Ed, _ but he wished he could say it was the same for Ed. He didn’t know if Androids even felt anxiety or fear. Ed mentioned overwhelmed, but…

Oswald didn’t think about it. It was always best to just not think about these things in the off-chance that whatever assumptions he’d make were completely wrong. They sat in silence for about half an hour before Jim and Harvey approached the cell. Oswald quickly stood, his expression reflecting his fear. Jim turned to Oswald with a nod.

“You can go,” he spoke and Oswald was about to sigh in relief until Jim turned to Ed, “But as for you, we need to keep you for a bit longer.”

Oswald looked between the men as Harvey unlocked the door and made his way towards Ed, “He’s been classed as his own murder weapon and he shows errors in his codes. An Android can’t hurt a human, even if a human tells them to. Goes against their...  _ moral code, _ heheh.”

Jim glared at him without saying anything further and Harvey groaned at himself, “Okay, yeah, that was a bad pun, I’m sorry.”

“Okay, but what do you mean by ‘his own murder weapon’?” Oswald could barely get out the words through his panic.

“If you told him to kill anybody, he wouldn’t be able to because those codes would keep him from hurting anybody. Which means, if he hurt, or in this case, killed somebody, then either he went against his programming or there were errors that kept it from interfering. These errors need to be looked over and analyzed at Arkham Asylum,” Jim explained, “I’m sorry, Oswald.”

Oswald was stunned into silence. Their plan had failed. He didn’t know killing was against his programming. Surely Ed must’ve known, so why didn’t he say anything? Ed looked back with a sad expression as he was cuffed and dragged away, LED red. Jim followed behind Harvey and Oswald stood there for a few more moments. This was going to be even worse than Arkham. At least at Arkham, he knew Ed was home safe. Now, he had a whole house to himself, but no Ed. Paranoia would surely linger the longer Ed was gone.


End file.
